A LITTLE THING CALLED LIFE!!

twelve past twenty...

2012-01-13T22:55:00.001+05:30

the mighty grinding of cogs n' wheels,
heaves these afflicted hands
from one to twelve & back to one.

here each minute an hour beckons,
each whispering two different tales.
one of the moon & one of the sun.

from within the infinity of the numbers twelve,
the admonishing tick-tock tongue
asks of me but one question

"what will you do with this gift, my son?"

....

happy new year folks. 2012 is here. so what will you do this year?

the great journey...

2011-12-01T17:34:00.001+05:30

as the pale mist rides across the waves,
men bid adieu to those left behind.
for all journeys begin with farewells.

...it takes great courage to let go that you have come to know. gone are the days of strange discoveries and majestic wonders. the stars are the same in the night sky, as is the dull throbbing in your heart. memory fails as to when you last tasted true adventure. the whole world is one big cocoon. or so it seems...

still, there is one great journey in all our lives.

do you know yours?

caged words...

2011-11-15T19:57:00.001+05:30

to decipher the written word,
was e'er a foolhardy quest.
but wisdom, once freely whispered,
now languishes in paper cages.

and thus man tamed the beast.

...

the written word has come a long way indeed. but was there ever a word to pen down the 'true' nature of man? i think not.

the boy in the trench...

2011-11-10T19:15:00.001+05:30

distant memories of sun-soaked fields,
lemonade & cotton candy dreams.
in this darkest of nights,
the snow falls ever so gentle.

and the light in his eyes is long gone.

the kiss still sweet on his lips,
parted now evermore they be.
smiled once he down the gun;
fickle, the dices today turn.

and the light in his eyes is long gone.

the cold embrace of sudden sleep,
silences the din of midnight's strife.
amidst the walls of fox-dug grime,
echos of his last laugh ne'er cease.

and the light in his eyes is long gone.

...

the day of days...

2011-11-07T21:57:00.000+05:30

once again we find ourselves on the cusp of a moment filled with such immense possibilities that Churchill would have given his last cigar to have one of these. and yet, how do we choose to play it out? well, in pretty much the same manner that we have played each and every day of the past week, the last millennium or the last 200,000 years if the damn archeologists are to be believed.

...we exist.

yes, there are those who have hoo-haahed over the giant leaps taken in these archeologically-consented years. we could not go pick dirt on the moon before. we can now. still, i like earth dirt better; personally speaking that is.

going back to Churchill's last cigar, the man once said, "if you're going through hell, keep going"...very wise words indeed. it is best to keep going. move onwards. keep toddling on. cause, sometimes the view around you isn't pretty at all.

i care not for the immense possibilities of the future. i care not for the greatness that begets the search for the Holy Grail. nor do i care for the pride of belonging to the nation at the zenith. the only thing i care about is my next filling meal. i am poor. what do i have to give. what do i have to receive.

humanity is overrated. monkeys live equally well.

rogue word alley...

2011-10-14T19:53:00.000+05:30

aah words, you irascible rogues.
what is it that you whisper into my ears?

"for old time's sake, my old friend,
let us take a walk down the alley."

take me back if you will,
cause the truth be told.

i missed thee

the greatest show on earth...

2011-06-24T19:25:00.007+05:30

"cause the times they are a changing."

...and as always the show must go on.

rage...

2011-04-25T13:53:00.003+05:30

rage. it is an inscrutable thing. absolute in itself and without a reason...it justifies itself in the same manner as God; by manifesting itself out of nowhere...

anger is caused, hurt is imposed, vengeance is brought upon, malice is induced...but rage...it comes from nowhere. or does it?

...are we all filled with rage? our entire being crafted out of sheer madness that every once in a while takes over and compels us towards the edge. an chasm that seems so enticing to leap into. to commit such violence that wild beasts would be shamed.

for some men, their rage is what makes them who they are...for men like Ahab.

*follow the link to experimental soup for the rest of the post.

the playlist...

2011-03-09T23:14:00.004+05:30

if music is for the soul, then i'm all rock n roll!!

#1. November Rain - Guns n Roses

#2. Sweet Child of Mine - Guns n Roses

#3. Poison - Alice Cooper

#4. Cities on Flame with Rock n Roll - Blue Oyster Cult

#5. Janie's Got a Gun - Aerosmith

#6. Champagne Supernova - Oasis

#7. Hey You - Pink Floyd

#8. Soldier of Fortune - Deep Purple

#9. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin

#10. Wish You Were Here - Pink Foyd

the footprints in the sand...

2011-01-08T23:46:00.006+05:30

"i wish i had more time. time to gaze at the wind blowing your hair across your face."

the footprints left faint impressions on the sand; the waters washing them away, one wave at a time. the memories dance their wild dance of euphoria; numbing the mind of the throbbing reality of the coarse shards of broken shells underneath your feet...

it just seemed like tomorrow when the clamoring of the seagulls swooping down on the bread crumbs thrown by tourists signaled the existence of the bay with the sun shining brightly on the burnished deck, shined by the countless steps that had walked on it's hard wood over the years.

life has passed by swiftly. much like the past 24 hours. each hour racing behind the other to catch it, overtake it. foolish hours. little do they know that the ones passed before can never be caught. never be overtaken. all that remains is the memory of the smile. of the tiny fingers clasping your hand, as you led her out on to the pirate trail, taught her how to fish, told her you won't tell when she wanted to have 3 different kinds of ice cream.

the memory of the smile that flashed across the beautiful face, the wind messing up her hair while drawing figures in the wet sand. the memory of your child laughing out with the innocent wild-eyed wonder upon seeing the seagulls.

aah the seagulls...they are wondrous birds. magnificent indeed.

the storyteller's tale...

2011-01-05T22:33:00.005+05:30

a new year. a new beginning. and many stories to tell...

for what is a ripple on the surface of still waters,
will one day be a wave crashing against the rocks;
when days and nights matter no more,
on that cusp of timelessness shall end our tale.

...

the eyes' treasure...

2010-12-18T11:33:00.001+05:30

tepid and timid, thieving forlorn glimpses,
how can they be anything but venomous;
to the bold wind caressing your hair.

blinded that they are, these distant oculars,
blinded with the sight of your beauty;
my eyes are now sinners.

to spite others who behold your beauty,
is the sin they'd gladly surrender to;
finding salvation in each glimpse won,
now forever theirs to treasure.

the cookbook - page one...

2010-11-09T16:06:00.008+05:30

"follow the nose...that's all there is to cooking."

...considering that my love for eating is overshadowed only by my love for cooking; it was an obvious eventuality that the blog feature recipes of my making. a little prodding on G's behalf made the transition easier. anyways, so here's what i suppose shall be the first of many...the chop-shop cookbook of experimental cooking...

***

Pasta-cause-I'm-bored-alone-at-home!

cooking makes me happy, and so i cook when i have nothing to do. just walk up to the fridge, take a peek inside, rummage through the pantry/drawers, lay out the spread on the kitchen platform and start washing, peeling, chopping, dicing, marinating, blanching, frying, roasting my way to a joyous couple of hours.

yesterday evening was a similar tale...

What I found in the fridge/drawer/kitchen...

1 Nos. - Bambino Penne Pasta Packet (250 gm)
1 Nos. - Milk packet (500 ml)
2 Cans of Olives (Pitted)
1 Jar of Jalapenos
Olive Oil
Dried Mint & Oregano flakes
Onions/Tomatoes/Garlic/Ginger/Green Chili/Lemon/Capsicum (Bell Pepper)
Salt & Pepper

What I did with the ingredients...

Step 1

Heat the milk. squeeze half a lemon in the milk and bring to boil while stirring.
Observe that the milk will split to form paneer (cottage cheese).
Reduce the water and remove the residual paneer.
Squeeze out excess water and break the fresh paneer into tiny pieces and keep aside.

Step 2

Finely dice 3 medium sized onions and put aside.

Roughly chop 6-7 medium sized tomatoes and put into blender. add a roughly chopped jalapeno, 3 green chili and 8-10 pods of freshly peeled garlic to the tomatoes. add a pinch of salt and half a teaspoon of lemon juice.

Blend the tomatoes/garlic/green chili together to form a thick paste.

Dice the fresh ginger (about 2 inches) into thin slices and put aside.

Take half capsicum, chop it into small bits and keep aside.

Dice 1-2 jalapenos into circular pieces and keep aside (you can have as many jalapenos as you like; it depends on your heat resistance).

Chop 6-7 olives into circular pieces (i prefer Green Olives) and keep aside.

Step 3

Take 2 teaspoons of olive oil, heat on low flame in a non-stick pot/pan.
Once the oil is heated, add the paneer and a bit of the diced ginger.
Add a pinch of salt and saute for about a minute.
Add the diced capsicum, jalapeno; sprinkle dried mint & oregano flakes and saute until paneer is golden brown.

Remove the mixture from the pan/pot and keep aside.

Step 4

Take 2 tablespoons to olive oil. heat in a non-stick pot.
Once the oil is heated, add the diced onions.
Saute the onions until they turn transparent.

Add the remaining bit of diced ginger; throw in a pinch of salt and continue to saute until the onions turn golden brown (i.e. are cooked).

Now add the tomato/garlic/green chili/jalapeno paste to the onions and continue cooking.

Once the tomato gravy is cooked, add a generous amount of oregano flakes (i love the smell of tomato and oregano), add about 500 ml of water and reduce the gravy on medium flame.

Step 5

In a separate pot, heat about 2 liters of water.
Add a tablespoon of oil and a pinch of salt to the water and bring to boil.
Add the pasta to the boiling water (basically follow the instructions on the packet).
Once the pasta is cooked; drain out the water and rinse the pasta under cold water.

Step 6

Add the pasta to the tomato/onion gravy. mix properly.
Cook for a minute and then add the chopped olives.
Add salt to taste; a dash of pepper. mix well.

Cover the pot and allow to cook for 5 minutes.

Step 7

Garnish the pasta with the fresh paneer/ginger/jalapeno mixture.
Serve the pasta hot.

***

bon appetite!

men don't cry...

2010-10-28T13:51:00.004+05:30

...and so said Zeus, son of Cronus, father of Gods & men...

burnt by thy own fire,
O' Prometheus, forgotten shall be thee.
thy gifts turned to dust;
nothing thee did will ever be enough.

guarded by vengeance, chained by ignominy
a bare rock to pierce thee flesh;
where you'd fantasized the touch of gentle lamb skin.

pain & punishment, thy reward for having done fair.

not a tear shall trickle from thee eyes
to whet thy hollow sigh of lament.
it is your bane, O' Prometheus,
that men don't cry.

...

death to hunger...

2010-10-19T15:57:00.007+05:30

....

one more serving of soup. bon appetite!

the 'long time' post...

2010-10-03T02:11:00.003+05:30

its been a long time since i have been able to blog. i don't know what is it that inspires me tonight. maybe it is the bottle of vodka that i have so happily sipped since evening. maybe its the nostalgia of writing. whatever it is, here i am. writing.

i was always persistent. with elongated periods of laziness in between...

"work. studies. love. family. cat. feeding the cat. cleaning up after the cat. friends"

...life takes no specific order. it chugs along.

***

i cut my hair.

i write ads.

i am going running in order to loose a few pounds before my cousin's wedding.

***

i miss my old 'Nachi' self.

i feel like i am changing.

i am resisting change.

i am failing to do so.

***

i am thirsty!

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE. AND I FOUND IT...

2010-08-01T13:30:00.004+05:30

for all those people who have indeed wondered where i had disappeared to over the past couple of months, the only answer i have for you is that i was off on the quest for truth. truth that i felt could no longer wait. after all these years of hearing fragments of the tales, of the mystery and the adventure, i simply had to know. find out. and so i did.

my search for the truth took me across the length of the nation; from the peaks of the majestic Himalayas to the ravines along the bank of the Vishwamitri. and the truth i finally found. and now i feel obligated to share it with the rest of the world, and with you my loyal readers and dearest of friends. and so for the first time ever i am presenting to you, and the world, the never-before-seen images of the mysterious creature straight from your favorite monster tale book. the abominable snowman, the bigfoot, the yeti...call it what you may. it exists!! and i have the complete cataloged scientific data.

***

Genus: Amrutacuss Bigfootinhermouth Creatureus

Gender: Female (males might exist. but so far have remained elusive).

Habitat: diverse. but found mostly in hilly/mountainous terrain with plenty of rocky surfaces that aid in obtaining foothold and facilitate swift movement.

Food Habits: Omnivorous Hunter and Forager. Has preference for goat meat.

Social Structure: being the solitary member of her specie to be discovered, the social hierarchy of the species is somewhat difficult to ordain. but a presence of such possibilities is clearly visible in its efforts to communicate through grunts and the occasional facial expression; indicating a somewhat developed brain. the creature can get aggressive when jested with, and can be extremely dangerous bearing in mind its size and strength.

...so much for this adventure. the research shall continue. but until next time, always remember you true-hearted believers...ADVENTURE BECKONS!!!

coming home...

2010-06-10T23:16:00.006+05:30

photo credit: Gayatri Thangjam

...like a carpet of woven pearls underneath your feet,
the dew glistens through the torn shroud of the morning mist.
awaiting to be scattered by your gentle touch...

***

it has been a while since i found the fortitude to come back. many times i crept in through the cracks, but i always found myself caught in the void in-between. space and time are constant companions. it is the mind that is fickle.

it takes something more than just desire to come back. to walk down the path we have already tread before and knock on the door we walked out of long ago. it takes acceptance. it takes forgiveness. it takes humility.

so how have you been?

the sands of time...

2010-03-20T00:42:00.007+05:30

...some tales are about nothing in particular.

***

there's a distant sand that travels borne in flight by the wind

and a fine sand that slips away from my grasp within

the coarse sand nature violently breaks down into fine grain

a wet sand sculpts the dreams of a child in her innocent play

the crafted sand blazes on the fire to feed my hunger tonight

the glazed sand brightly bedecks my beloved bride

there's a sand i even worship as my faith's right

the sand trapped inside the twisted glass un-counts my day

the ethereal sand of my bones will turn into sand someday

in the end its all nothing, but simply sand laying along my way

...

and the answer is???

2010-03-17T00:50:00.002+05:30

my gorgeous lady...

2010-02-21T14:48:00.014+05:30

...once upon a time, there was a boy who loved to make up stories inside his head. somewhere along the way, he met lots of wonderful people he became friends with, learned to hold his alcohol, found out he was somewhat crazy, traveled around a lot, fell in love, started to write on a blog and ended up with a camera slung around his neck. now, temporarily settled (but still a bit crazy) he spends most of his time trying not to wonder what to do next. in between, he manages to pen a few words down and take pictures with his camera.

apparently he's back to where he started from, but his life is really not as bad as it sounds. now he has a lot of stories to tell...

here's one

***

Him: "I feel too lazy to get up"

Her: (*an exasperated look*) "OK! I'll go"

...as she walked up to the counter to order them a cup of coffee, he couldn't but help wonder. he met her for the first time in college around 3 years ago, as future classmates always do, by walking into the same classroom. him, still groggy and disheveled from having to get up so early in the morning and her, the immaculately dressed pretty young lady. and right from that day onwards, she had always astounded him; it was unfathomable to the boy, as to how she always managed to look so gorgeous...

its been a fun journey since then, during which they have walked their own separate paths. always minding their own business, but never failing to exchange a friendly smile and a heart-warming laugh each time their paths crossed

...oh! and she always gave him good gossip too.

***

someone once told the boy, "the best things in life aren't things". well, now he knows that the best things in his life are the people around him.

as for his gorgeous friend...

well fellow men, guess there is a Lord watching over us after all!!

the knock on the window...

2010-02-15T20:04:00.008+05:30

...the quiet prattling of the wind against the window-pane fills the mind with ideas. what is it that is trying to get in? is it the cold breath of nature wanting to kiss you, reaching out to you from beyond? or is it something more sinister? something supernatural?

of the many things that seem to want to come in through the window on this cold winter night, what is it exactly that is knocking?

maybe something is trying to get out! wild thoughts that stem from within, slithering their way towards the window. the imagination runs amok and lulls you into the idea that something wants to come in. in reality, it simply wants to get out...

***

ps: we shall always have something to say, won't we brah? so let the countdown begin. 1000 posts from the Ghost Particle. it's been a fabulous journey...

***

for more pics visit the photoblog

...a little something i came across in the archives. i'd completely forgotten having taken this photograph...

the Republic...for 60 years!

2010-01-26T13:27:00.006+05:30

***

60 years of being the republic means, six decades...

...of being the most diverse nation on the planet. of bearing the weight of the expectations of a billion people. of cutting corners paying and accepting bribes. of making a mockery of our political and judicial system. of bitterly fighting amongst each other in the name of religion, caste and land. of pitting our individual identity against that of the nation. of electing corrupt criminals to our politico out of indifference, ignorance and fear. of exploiting and hurting each other. of ridiculing each others beliefs and values...

60 years of being the republic also means, six decades...

...of saluting our martyrs in absolute honour. of shouldering each other in times of grief. of laughing together. of celebrating together. of praying together. of congratulating each other on a Sachin century. of crooning along together to the tunes of Lata and Mukesh. of wanting to leave to find a better life somewhere else, but of always coming back to reclaim it here. of accepting the generous hospitality of unknown countrymen and of reaching out to others. of being awed at our collective culture. of greedily indulging ourselves to the never-ending culinary delights of this big kitchen from each others plates. of learning the mystic knowledge collected over centuries through folk tales with talking animals. of embracing each other. of always dreaming of success as a nation. of sharing one nation despite our differences and apprehensions...

...today is the completion of 60 years of the Republic of India! but being an Indian lasts forever. and this song is one of the many cherished memories that i grew up with. a truly Indian song of unity and love...

...Happy Republic Day!

if perspectives went downhill in a cart...

2010-01-10T14:57:00.008+05:30

...a moment is what it takes for the present to be the past. for everything to become distant. from "when" to "now" to "then" to "back then". such is the nature of time. yesterday seems like a long time ago now. looking back now makes it all seem so distant. where did it all go? all that we can see now is the future. mechanical & shiny, perhaps...

...it all seems like one of those fairy tale beginnings, "a long long time ago" fable. back when everything was seemingly easy. when we were what we wanted to be. back when we changed the world. back when we were the revolution...

...funny part is, "far far away" was never that far away. all it took was a little bit of imagination. the child in us knew it...

***

"i believe that eventually we are all at the right place at the right time. call it 'in retrospect' or 'statistics', what are the chances of it all being otherwise?"

of colors...

2010-01-06T23:27:00.005+05:30

..."color me red!"

for more pics visit the photoblog

...would it change anything if i were to be colored red,
instead of black or white or blue?
a single stroke of the palette soaked brush
bestowing to this life a tainted hue.

a different shade,
for a different me...

..."maybe not"

the great sun jester...

2010-01-05T21:03:00.008+05:30

photo taken by Gayatri Thangjam. location: Shimla 01/01/10

"sunsets always bring about a change. they are like the heralds of time, summoning the old day back into the recesses of the grand old design from which it emerged in the first place. what is here, must be replaced with something else that shall be here. the night must engulf us and a new day must dawn.

this is the 'one' rule."

...its all a big joke! this daily melee of our days.

***

the clown inside of people's heads...

2009-12-27T21:41:00.001+05:30

...you are an absence. you are a vacuum. what celestial rules govern you, i know not clown...

...but i do know that you have a way of filling the spaces inside the head. the quaint ticking of the clock, the gentle reverberating purr of the cat, the warm incense tainted air inside the room, the humming of the fan. they all seem be your pranks to empty the mind of it's thoughts under your comically morose influence. turning the likable nothingness and metamorphosing it into an invisible vortex. you are an insatiable pestilence. consuming everything from the inside out. devouring my thoughts.

the best thing to do is to feed you. do not mistake my generosity with giving up, i simply mean to stuff that hungry face of yours with everything i've got and hope that in doing so i might just choke you. you greedy bastard. make you gasp for air, turn purple and then roll over and die. so eat all you can. consume all the thoughts, the good and the bad. everything from the deepest recesses of my mind. eat till you can eat no more. and then die...

...i shall never run out of thoughts!

***

ps: came across this old picture from the mime days of Silent Call...the rest, as always is a rant against the seemingly insurmountable wall/block/clown/lazy bum inside of my head that prevents me from blogging more often.

in any case, have a fabulous New Year folks!!

sibling differences...

2009-12-08T20:30:00.003+05:30

...siblings at times tend to be different. so are my sister and i. it's quite obvious in fact.

...i love my hair! i think that they are the wickedest wildest messiest bonding of Keratine polymers shooting straight out of my brain. and they are growing longer and wilder. just like my thoughts...

...when it comes to my hair, they prefer to come undone no matter what i do to them. but that is how i like it! i am incorrigible!!

***

the Great November gig...

2009-12-02T18:02:00.004+05:30

Wow!! November flew away. and that too pretty fast...

tread carefully have we, upon the path unknown.
for who knew what awaited the turn
something good, was all we hoped
but unknown it was to us once.

..."wish you were here, my soulful November"

***

ps: images from the month await you all at the photoblog. so please go check them out!

story of two nights...

2009-10-26T20:44:00.006+05:30

...

O' gentle Sylph of the glade,
guardian of nectarine cities.
elemental by nature, a woman's soul.
i beseech thee.

unveil to me the beauty i so desire.
the one caressing the fragrant breeze.
worlds underneath her feet,
she is all i seek.

sing me to sleep.
bring me my dreams.

***

born of words, darkness & shadows.
from tales intricately woven tight.

unraveling the mind's flight,
giving wings to my heart's Djinn.
unknown creature of the night,
many are thee.

"Bakhtak!"
listen to me.
thieve me of my sleep,
tonight i need no dreams.

...

for more pictures visit the photoblog.

***

...also find the same post @ Experimental Soup

of glimpses in the dark...

2009-10-22T11:55:00.009+05:30

...

...

the dance of the flickering flame
swaying gently hand-in-hand with the breeze.
one bright flicker, one dark shadow
one casting the other, breathing life into each other.

playing a little game with their backs to each other,
one not meant to see the other.
there's glimpses of a beauty hitherto unseen
between the swaying of the flame
between the shadows of the night

one look, one long moment, one small story.

...

***

for more pics visit the photoblog

'seasons greetings' folks...may this year bring with it all the joy and happiness that we deserve. i know that i have been M.I.A for a while now. but then, i always come back. and here i am once again, with stories that need to be told. the Shah of Blah, the storyteller itches to speak all the time...but of late the words have been hard to find. thankfully i can feel them coming back to me.

so i guess i shall see you all soon.

...

the river song...

2009-09-23T18:00:00.004+05:30

for more photos visit the photoblog

***

...ऐ साहील, तुझे क्या जानू मैं ।

पाना तुझे बस मेरी चाहः ।
ईसी चाहः का गुलाम, मैं अंजान,
एक कश्ती पर निकल पड़ा ।

मैं क्या जानू सफर करना माही में ।
ऊम्र बीती मेरी इस कश्ती में, लहरों पर बहते हुऐ
तुझसे कोसो दूर ।

सिर्फ़ ख़यालो में देखा, तुझे क्या जानू मैं,
ब़स मैं जानू तुझ बिन जिना ।

ऐ साहिल तुझे क्या जानू मैं ...

***

for more photos visit the photoblog

...O' river bank, what do i know of thee.

all i know is of my desire to reach thee.
the slave of this desire, in my ignorance
i took off in a little boat.

what do i know of journeying in the river.
i have spent a lifetime in this boat, riding along the waves
a million miles away from you.

having only seen you in my dreams, i know nothing of thee
all i know is to live without you.

O' river bank, what do i know of thee...

(...English translation of the same)

09.09.09 ...

2009-09-09T19:58:00.005+05:30

...it's like a deadline.

i had promised myself that i would shrug off the 'lazy-feeling' and put something up today. after all how often do we get 09/09/09 ...hehehehe...i remember my 06/06/06 post (link here)!!

well in complete contradiction, a reverse flip if one may, today was nothing like that day. i did not wake up with a cleaning bug stuck in my a**, there was no rain, didn't fight with anyone over the Batman v/s Superman supremacy issues...instead i merely sat at home for a few hours after dragging myself out of bed. then went got me some tea and ran into friends at masi's. sat down with them and chatted for an hour on dangerous driving. got home, worked, got kidnapped and went all the way to the highway for some more chai, gobbled paani-puris on my way back (my abductors refused to keep me for any longer), got home and then fell asleep again...Newton's Law too seemed too lazy to apply itself on a flat object like me today.

and now, here i am typing away meeting deadlines imposed by a mere date on the calender.

such is life. it is good.

***

for more pics visit the photoblog

...the mandatory picture of the post. a little something from my latest wanderings...

***

ps: went to Mumbai recently & craziness ensued...i am going to write a journal-types post on the whackyness of my days in that town...someday. soon. i hope.

Gods in Stone...

2009-08-28T17:21:00.004+05:30

well folks, this is a guest post for the one and only Mehreen (aka. Warm Sunshine). it's been a while in happening, and i thank my lazy habits for that. but here it is nevertheless. and oh! yeah, the guest post is up on my blog as well, once again thanks to my laziness that prevents me from coming up with something separate for this space...

***

for more pics go visit the photoblog

...

walking over the grass, turning it into a path,

miles traveled by the exhausted feet.

for a promise was made to the spirits of a journey

at the end of which await the Gods in stone.

time-traveled over generations,

the journey in me still remains

and one day it makes me walk the same path

to come pray to the Gods in stone

a vague poesy is my prayer

discarded just like that.

some words i said to the stone

never said back.

treading back

along the same old path,

the lament in me now poured out.

my eyes see things a bit clearer.

i traveled all the miles,

only to ask things of a stone.

so chide me for being so blind my lord

for i wanted you to mend my broken desires.

foolish that i was, but no more shall be

laying along the path, by the Gods in stone

i've been taught to see.

...

the story of a lie and the truth...

2009-08-13T23:29:00.007+05:30

for more pics visit the photoblog

***

a little lie once was told.
wrapped in a smile & clad in plain white
nothing too fancy to behold,
it was just a little lie.

the plain truth once was said
slithering silently through the dark veiled eyes
a venomous spite, fraught with dread,
it was just the plain truth.

***

the little lie if unraveled
becomes the venomous bitter truth,
and entombs the poisoned heart forever.

bringing a cheer instead of a mournful cry
keeping the dark veil of truth at bay,
is the innocuous little lie.

...so the moral of the story is?

walking amongst clouds...

2009-08-02T23:08:00.009+05:30

for more pics visit the photoblog

...

the old stone, damp underneath the feet
wrapped in moss, slippery to say the least.
i walk with careful strides with eyes set ahead
the many garish sights before me pass unnoticed.

and then i stop.

i see the misty haze waiting across the street
now i must walk amongst the clouds laying ahead.
slipping through my fingers they embrace your warm body
and caressing your raven hair rest upon your long eyelashes.

i wish i could touch them.

...

for what its worth...

2009-07-25T17:10:00.011+05:30

LAZY self reliant student Morphing into a mushroom devious COFFEE Vadapav History rolling not-a-somnambulist MUSIC Foodie Lover MIXED FRUIT JAM Paani Puris money foolish BOOKS smoke Kinetic SON running master cat FRIEND spontaneous COUCH POTATO rational Cricket gossip JESTER brother shutterbug secretive HOLIDAYS actor Writer SLEEP Guitar single vodka Cold rambling CONSCIENCE academic Wanderer JOYFUL crying BAD HAIR DAY djembe beats Movie Buff FLIRT casual Rajma-Chawal odd assimilating rains Blogger CURIOUS spiritual Poet cake chocolate Beaches hiking OPTIMIST reserved blue T-SHIRTS ice cream Classic Rock pacifist EXTROVERT cigarettes Jack Daniels traveller MSU jumpy Physics loud EASY duct tape Teacher candles Dogs unforgiving Trains angry SURPRISED justified Neat ordered Quirky shorts ECONOMICS liberal Over Smart CRAZY suave etc...

...ME

***

while lazing around at the English department...

...go on. end of post. scram!

the monkey and the cloud!

2009-07-22T20:06:00.003+05:30

"tut tut!! little monkey!"

dangling from the branch
reaching for what is but mine,
do you know that it might snap?

the moon shining in the lake below
is not for you to have, crave and desire.
she is not even real. just a reflection.

you shall but fall & drown!

***

"tut tut!! stupid cloud!"

you think that floating up above
right next to the moon i love,
she is yours to have and keep?

you only obstruct her, conceal her
with you she can never really shine.
float away with the wind cloud.

I won't be going anywhere!

...so who do you think got the moon? :)

once again. insanity!

2009-07-19T21:19:00.008+05:30

Fine Arts Annual Display 06' ~ Sukriti's works

...क्यों रे पागलपन, किधर था तू इतने दिन?

तुझे किधर-किधर नही ढूंडा मैंने।

बड़ा बत्मीज़ हो गया है तू...

...you, masquerading little daily puzzle;

24 pieces it says on the box.

some lost. most found.

its never a complete picture.

i finally see with my own eyes,

i missed you. you fool!

...रात भर जागे-सोए,

ईंह: आधे अरमानों को पुरे करने को देखे कुछ सपने।

दिन को सोए-जागे,

मेरे आधे सपनों को कुछ पुरे करने के थे अरमान...

...i wake up & go back to sleep.

you sure torment me!

crazy insanity...

Fine Arts Annual Display 06' ~ Sukriti's works

a musical folly corrected...

2009-06-30T14:22:00.010+05:30

*Sigh!*

"i was foolish enough to attend a local rock concert. i had hoped against hope for good music. i was foolish."

***

...so here's a bit of a saving grace. a little something for all Pink Floyd fans. don't ask where i got it all from. i have pretty much every fart sound those buggers made...

***

ps: there are 4 tracks on the playlist...indulge! :)

a boy with his comic books...

2009-06-28T12:34:00.006+05:30

"Did he who made the Lamb make thee?" ~ William Blake (the Tyger)

...spent time in the College, discussing poetry with the professors. this year's batch at the English department is sure to have their task cut out for them and a lot to contemplate about. Byron, Blake, Keats, Shelly, Tennyson, Milton, Lee Hunt...some of the ones i like are 'IN'. sadly, i am not a student of literature per say.

i have always pushed the idea of incorporating a study of a certain kind of modern literature, the comic book one, into the syllabus. comics have the capacity to open an entire world of human thought channeling it into a graphical vision that has only added to the meaning of the written word, despite being camouflaged in ink strokes. from my first comic book of Flash Gordon and emperor Ming battling it out, to my collection of Batman comics and the dark Kafkaesque insanity of the Joker's existence and purpose, comics have gripped me unlike any other form of written literature. if Nietzsche was the dark prince of the philosophical genre, who immortalized chaos and insanity and the utter lack of human morals in his books, it was the Joker that brought his ideas to life. the Sandman saga of Neil Gaiman re-established the existentialists and their order of the inevitable death and the meaninglessness of the resurgent and constant human effort against the unstoppable tide of time. sometimes bodering on the very edge of our foundations of right and wrong and even God. comic books and poetry have a lot in common. it is the idea underneath the ink that lures, and in some cases to the ones that dig deeper, it appals.

Watchmen. ~ Alan Moore

...sometimes nothing need be said. sit back and enjoy.

"Economics might your bread and butter, but Literature is your jam and honey that you so very like to spread over your bread."
~ Susanne Ma'am

...i do have a sweet tooth.

here and there and again...all in the rain!

2009-06-23T21:35:00.007+05:30

the feline's lazy stretch is interrupted midway and suddenly his fur springs up, electrified...the ears twitch continuously and in one leap the cat is at the window. looking out. disapprovingly. cats never liked water anyways. i am a different story.

like the parched earth, i too await the first rain...to drench in it. to let the water droplets spatter all over me in their fall from the heavens. to listen to the booming call of the thunder that promises more rain. to see the streaks of white lightening dart down from the skies, telling me that my wait is over. now is the time to indulge. rejuvinate. and i do what i always did as a child. run out and stand in the rain...

"for a while a part of me long gone, lives again in the rain."

...then i take the bike out for a ride. stop by at the chai-walla. but today i shall order a coffee. "ekdum kadak karna mausi." light up a cigarette. sit down and see the world pass by, some running helter-skelter to escape the downpour, others calmly soaking up like me. on the way back home it is the obvious stop at the paani puri walla. indulge me!

"the 'current' me has his own way of enjoying the rains. "

...today was the first rain of the season.

***

inside Crossword

rains mean books. a few shorter hours spent picking up the right ones i would want to read...

...and long hours by the window reading whilst the rain drizzles outside.

***

pigeons are filthy birds. i never really liked them. to me they are pigs with wings. just that they are uglier. the cat too has a certain disdain for them. he merely swats at them with his paws...

...but they do make for being good subjects for the camera!

***

pot by the window. not pot-head by the window...

the pot by the window

the pot (b/w)

the water pipe

...and a few things beyond the window as well.

***

the lemon law is quite simple. Barney swears by it as do many economists (the Lemons & Plums story!)...

dumped lemons

...guess someone else does too. more than Barney and the economists!

*reference: How I Met Your Mother*

***

eventually, we all come back home! but the real fun lies en route...

God's two children...

2009-06-19T21:52:00.008+05:30

Fine Arts Annual Display 09'

...epochs are traversed in search of him. time in which civilizations were built and destroyed. the sacrifices that we have made; cutting out our own beating hearts at the altar, pillaging our own homes and burning our own children. all merely an attempt to placate an insatiable hunger...

stones, metals, mountains, rivers. our hands have carved, bent, melted and molded them all. even as wars have been waged and battles have been fought over centuries, during which we pushed ourselves to the limits of our imagination and resourcefulness in turning stones and sticks into a screeching messiah of instantaneous death and annihilation. we put our only world at stake to build a house for him who shall never come down to us. was all this was but an illegitimate bastard's attempts at finding the approval of his father and to appease and uphold him? him, who had forsaken him at birth. him, who had walked away a long time ago.

"we are the angry children of an angry God."

we shall burn the ones who say otherwise. we shall rape and murder the ones who oppose us. we shall eradicate the ones who stand in our way. and in doing so we shall find our rightful place beneath the feet of our father when the day of reckoning comes.

***

for more pics go to the photoblog

...time is held still as we find the peace within ourselves. a sense of belonging with the world around us. a world that was created in immense beauty. a mirror to the joy that our birth brought to him...

the gentle fragrance of the blossoms of spring bring to us the message from him. we are to be flowers ourselves and spread the love that we have been infused with to the ones around us. bring joy to the beleaguered and tired eyes of our fellow men. like the flower of spring does to our eyes. we are to heal the wounds of misguided hatred with our compassion and save this world that we have been bestowed with for the many children of our father who shall one day come following in the footsteps of our father himself.

"we are the happy children of a joyous God."

we shall rebuild that has been destroyed. we shall restore the joy that has been taken from us. we shall embrace all those whom we meet. and in doing so we shall one day meet our father who shall embrace us into his arms when our time comes.

***

...so which child are we?

neat hi chalega...

2009-06-15T19:25:00.007+05:30

it is a crazy thing to be wanting and wanting and wanting. not just for yourself but for everyone you love and care about as well. it is equally insane to be demanding, reciprocating and compromising for the things that matter to us in life whilst simultaneously cajoling the mechanisms of Karma to grease and smooth out the glitches in "OUR PLANS". on most days we simply run headfirst along a trajectory to our future...

...on some days i settle down into my comfort posture, lean back and remain so. and the inspiration to do so comes from the most mundane of things.

things may not be 'fantastic!' neither do they have to be 'just right!' sometimes a simple 'neat' is all that matters to satiate the ferocious ambition of the myopic and short-sighted Nachi that is fueled by the capacity to compact life in to 'momentary' bits.

for now i am satisfied. for now i am happy. tomorrow, is another day. "aaj ke liye mere ko neat hi chalega."

today i could very well be a Diogenes in a barrel with a cat in my lap...

...but for the fact that i don't have a barrel!

flying in my dreams...

2009-06-11T21:41:00.005+05:30

Where the hell are you? gone MIA? lazy arse!!

the melee of being at the crossroads is not overrated. there is something about the paradox that is the inside and the outside. perspective seekers argue upon which side we really are on. does it really matter? we are all here. stuck in being transient. momentarily put in a situation where we have to once again choose.

...at least it all leads to somewhere! wish me luck. it's my time to choose. and knowing me, it's not going to be what i think it is to be...

***

...Also, just a few lines that i found. some words that we boys sang back when life was about no one in particular and the rum made it easier to say cheesy things and get away with it. somehow, it still is...

...flying in my dreams.
there is something in your eyes,
that something in your smile...

that makes me want to fly!

and now that you've gone away.
i'm loosing track of time.
i wonder what's been so wrong,
cause i feel so lonely deep inside.

...you're still on my mind,
every time i close my eyes
it's just like flying in my dreams...

~ Geo & the island boys!

...there is a minute long clip of the actual performance of the song too. but somehow i can't seem to upload it to blogger or youtube for that matter. eh, shit happens!

the madman and his stars...

2009-05-31T19:35:00.007+05:30

Tathir's works...Fine Arts Annual Display 09'

...conversations, the little occasions when words turn up decked in their Sunday best. some are dressed suave, others hip. most are causal. only a few truly intriguing. and so we decided to converse, me and a friend who once made a flute that played a quaint tune. for a long time we both said nothing. and then thus spake he...

"The madman who used to collect pebbles in the streets once during the night looked up at the sky. He then started collecting stars thinking of them as pebbles...Now we don't see many stars in the sky!"
~ Akhilesh Arya

...i agree. we don't see many stars. i miss them stars.

painting a sunrise story...

2009-05-25T20:51:00.009+05:30

...the early morning lark,

sings the songs of dawn

shattering the rapture of silence's oration.

riding the wake of the waves of emotions

a twisted tale of love and seduction

brought to an early end.

thus begins a new story for a new day...

MY Rights...

2009-05-23T09:21:00.008+05:30

ITS A MARVEL! really! and we all abide by it. at least we presume to do so...

...so yeah, i got Rights you know? damn you! i have SIX of them to be precise. all in a neat order, mind you.

Right to Equality.
Right to Freedom.
Right against Exploitation.
Right to Freedom of Religion.
Cultural & Educational Rights.
Right to Constitutional Remedies.

"YOU! do you have them?"

***

...so anyways, Indian life is actually based around these Rights. kindda like the planets revolving around the sun. they really don't have a choice, do they? there is this big round ball of fire and they oscillate around it. there are these Rights, and you 'right as well remember them'. you want a different perspective? too bad. go F*** yourself saale bhenchod. chalta baan. aage nikal...

spending hours at the railway station waiting for the train is an eye opener to the uninitiated in their so called 'Constitutional Rights' and their actual "This is India, sirjee" Rights.

You have the Right to wait patiently at the platform for your train , over a period of time that may actually be more than the time of the journey itself (you never ever whine about the train being late. Are you driving the train? Am I driving the train?).
You have the Right to carry humongous amount of luggage, pretty much consolidating a moving refugee camp to shame. cause you have a RAC waiting list ticket.
You have the Right to launch a search and locate operation to find the Luggage Room and then the Stationmaster and everything else. once you find them, it is your right to deny everyone else the same information. let them launch their own Search & Locate Op.
You have the Right to call your relatives, friends and even extended family members to the station to keep you company and help in the S&L Op. we are Indians. the more, the noisier.
You have the Right to be racist and gender biased in hurling abuses at the fellow platform inhabitants in a game of 'pass-on-the-abuse'. But beware, eunuchs are not part of the game. they are mere money collectors. think of it as a tax. to pay for your Rights.
You have the Right to pay up 'kharcha-paani' to everyone. starting from the TC to the coolie (how racist were the English to coin up that term? saale gore). If you ignore this Right. they have the Right to make your life a bureaucratic and laborious hell!
You have the Right to maintain a sadistic and humorous demeanor towards all. especially to the harried passengers on the train that has arrived 20 hours late by asking them, "what man, how late are you folks? you folks were taking a leak along the tracks all this time or what? you sure missed the IPL semi-final. cracking match it was."
and finally, You have the Right to run. run as fast as you can before everybody joins the lynch mob and beats the crap out of you (actually you can beat the crap out of you too in the heat of the moment) in a "behti Ganga mein haath dhona" types moment.

***

...i pity the Americans the most. i really do. all they have is the RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT and then the one phone call...

but once again, just imagine the NYPD cops busting an Indian immigrant. the one phone call would be an international call to "Chunnu, Munnu, pappa, mummy and tau and tai and kaka and kaki and phupha and phuphi and pados wala Bunty and aapni Rashmi and the entire village back in India."

free ka call hai bhai. baat kar lo!

we are Indians. Mera Bharat mahaan.

Jai Hoh!

:)

***

*update*

PS: further inquiries into the clowning matter reveled that the felon in the picture is actually Chriz. he was arrested for a drunken chicken-stabbing spree and trying to enter Guantanamo Bay disguised as a clown. he maintains that he did so solely for the purpose of wanting to get a hamburger from the prison cafeteria. officials believe that to be a lie and are investigating the matter further.

uncharitable to the core...

2009-05-22T23:24:00.003+05:30

...just one of those days. today i am not funny. things & people. too many references to what i care about the least. what to say, i can be like this. UNCHARITABLE TO THE CORE!

I'm calling in a 'rain check' today...

:|

a father's journey...

2009-05-20T04:16:00.012+05:30

my dear child...

ज़िन्दगी के सफर कि राह है हि कुच्छ ऐसी

कि कल को हम सिखे थे चलना डगमगाते कदमों पर ।

फिर योंही किसिके ईशाहरों पर हुम चलते चल दिये

और चलते चलते कब दौड़ने लगे, यह न जान सके हम ।

इस दुनिया की सैर करते कभी खोये, तोह कभी मिले हम

रुकना जो न सिखा था, हम चल दिए बहुत दूर तक

लेकिन फिर आज आचानक थम से गए यह कदम।

और आपके ईन्ह नन्हें डगमगाते कदमों को सहरा देने के लियें

फिरसे चलना सिख गए हम |

...i am still learning to walk. but someday i shall teach you the same.

mi amor!

2009-05-16T12:22:00.005+05:30

one more serving @ experimental soup

...bon appetite!

dear ol' Sam!

2009-05-13T14:17:00.006+05:30

...sometimes you grow up. and then all the things that you did in the past seem like a childish prank. the moments of insensibility and amateurishness that make you smile when you think back upon them...

meeting old friends is a nostalgic moment. but amongst all the nostalgia, what hits you the most is that despite all the many miles that you might have traveled between each other and all the lives that you have lived over the years, you are all very much the same in terms of the people that you are. you all laugh. you all cry. you all are very different. and then, you are still the same. somehow. you and i.

i guess that there is much that we have in common, you and me. maybe someday we shall be able to share more time and stories together. cause i would love that.

...dear ol' Sam!

somebody throw a rock...

2009-05-12T05:06:00.006+05:30

for more pictures visit the photoblog

some nights i am an insomniac...

its always something or the other, and in the end nothing but an empty glass that once held my drink left in my hands or a frayed bookmark on page of the book i read. trying to work all night just to finally hop onto a 4:00 am bike journey in search for the much needed chai. the emptiness of the roads feeding the many thoughts running through the mind. some relevant. most irrelevant. the methodical organizer and planner in me is scared that i don't know the future while the adventurous spirit within me is exuberant and buoyant to the point of not caring.

...then begins the day. followed by the night. sleeplessness followed by deep slumber. an endless cycle.

"even a pebble thrown into the water breaks the monotony, causing ripples. i feel the need for a rock to fall!"

Shady R humor. the ancient Dodo style...

2009-04-19T22:04:00.008+05:30

humor saves!

...funny comes in all shades, sizes and flavors. i plan in setting up a walk across 'Baskin-Robbins' types shop when it comes to wanting a good laugh (considering that i see no reason why i can't make some money out of it) and i take more than equal pride in my little bunch of dodos displaying similar characteristics. it is never too early to have a funny bone...

Shady R - Before

the first of the new generation of Dodos, Shady R is the nonchalant types; an eclectic force matured over the course of the past 2 years, she has finally begun to display the traits that i have been dying to see in my niece...

a sweet as sugar, made with butter and baked in chocolate darling who walks and talks funny!

...come time she shall be a force to reckon with.

***

a typical example of Shady R humor during family TV moments (only for those initiated in Indian movies)

the SHOLAY setting: the rocky outcrop of the Chambals. the deathly silence shattered by scrapping sound of a belt lined with bullets dragging across the rock and the evil laugh of a bunch of dacoits. Thakur tied up to a beam and Gabbar holding a naked sword in his hands and smirking.

Thakur - Before

Gabbar: yeh haath mujhe de de Thakur!

Thakur: nahi!

Gabbar: YEH HAATH MUJHE DE DE THAKUR!

Shady R: (walking to the TV screen with out-streached hands) "le loh haath!"

***

**update : and now this is what they both look like...

Thakur - After

Shady R - After

***

when the going gets tough & your survival is at risk, the ancient Dodo hath said, say "Squak!"

the storyteller's indulgence and prize...

2009-04-14T12:58:00.006+05:30

...i have a bug infecting me.

i am a storyteller. and every good storyteller is always on the look out for another storyteller. and the best place to find them stories is in books.

for as long as i remember, i have had the habit of scavenging and foraging through the dusty and musty piles of papers stacked in old decrepit book shops and "pasti walla's". i love the damp smell of an old book, the pages half eaten by Lepisma saccharina (a.k.a silverfish) despite the terrible vengeance wrecked upon me by my sinuses. for only five minutes spent in such a shop with such books i have to put up with constant sneezing for the next hour or so. still, it is worth the spit and the tickle. cause sometimes you come across such gems...

picked up this old old copy of the Arabian Nights today. i wonder why in the world people get rid off such classics. i love the book and the super fabulous illustrations by A.E. Jackson. this is one prized addition to my collection.

...i am happy! la di la di laaaaa... :)

fellow thief!...

2009-04-12T02:17:00.008+05:30

some dreams are like...

a lifetime spent walking in the shoes of someone else.
uncomfortable, unlike the ones you left behind
at some doorstep a long long time ago,
for someone else to find & walk in.

a small gift, maybe perhaps it is
from one thief to another.

to be stolen discreetly
& never returned.
fellow thief
shssh!

...who stole mine? and whose dreams have i stolen?

***

***

some random pictures from my walks around the MSU

i sure am going to miss walking around the MSU campus. after all, life has been kind here.

the lost land of never-more...

2009-04-06T00:50:00.006+05:30

for more pictures visit the photoblog

there is a thing about being in an induced transcendental frame of mind. see the colors play riot as the music fuses the nerve endings of the brain cells, numbing some, hyper activating others; as the cornea dilates to the point that the misty opiates are no longer of any particular shade; the intoxication of the mind is completed amidst the chaos that erupts within.

...seems like ages since I've been to the land of the colors. to the timeless expanses of nothingness. the flow of the vital liquid in the body merging with the flow of the violent passions that stir the waters to create ripples that spasm the soul. the rush to go nowhere. be there. for the moment. forever. the vague poesy haunting till it becomes a cheering light. the liberation. the revolution. not for one short hour. neither for a fleeting minute. never to be the elusive second. supposedly the non-existent moment but for the inescapable reality of it's throes...

color me. engulf me. imprison me. illuminate me. shelter me. embrace me.

tonight i set my dreams on fire.

i am but for thee.

yes, i too romanticize life...

2009-03-29T13:25:00.009+05:30

***

किसीके कदमों की आहट से

जाने छायी यह क्या मेह्कशि,

हम चल दिए इस माशूक दिल के एक इशारे पर।

धुप से गुज़रते हुए, सन्नाटों के आँचल में लिपटे

शाम ढलते आ पहुंचे आपके मयखाने पर।

***

enthralled by the faint sound of someone's footsteps

wonder what sort of intoxication takes it's hold on me,

i walk onwards, led by the mere indication of this smitten heart,

through the harsh sun, wrapped in the veil of a heavy silence.

come evening i find myself at the doorsteps of your मयखाना (pub/place of intoxication).

the tryst of the nomad...

2009-03-25T21:44:00.006+05:30

for more photos visit the photoblog

all night long conversations with old friends...unwrapping the promises of the past 3 years and gift wrapping promises for the coming many. an early morning breakfast at the favorite breakfast joint. one more memory tucked away neatly. from the small fifteen minutes of the boisterous evening at the chai walla to the long hour at the hitherto unknown temple. sitting. staring. playing with those beautiful eyes. listening to the birds. walking back in time.

wandering the by lanes of nostalgia and watching the sights of old, hold on to the last vestiges of the chasm of my memory, fighting for one last remembrance.

a small victory. a faint smile. an old story remembered and retold. of swings and blossoms in the spring to the noisy quailing of the children in the summer heat. the mirth of old laughter arousing new laughter. and then the quaint touch of those delicate hands that reminds that it is time to go. back to the crowd. back to the books. back to the present. back to wherever it is along with her...for the moment.

"the tryst of a nomad
is not with time or distance nor companion.
cause just walking in small steps in any direction
all will lead to someplace new."

virtue never worked for me either...

2009-03-23T16:09:00.004+05:30

...but i tried! i really did. and my failure to be virtuous even gave me guilt pangs.

...so instead i choose to forget the basics. :)

"Guilty!" your honor...

2009-03-16T00:49:00.007+05:30

PS: Beware! Read and Forget post! (a.k.a situational rant)

***

my dearest friend A said...

"well, i know i was the one who always shared and told you everything. you never shared anything about yourself"

...one of the accusations most often levied on my unabashedly laconic soul is the one above. i have been charged, tried and proven guilty and punished also many-a-times for this crime. but i am unrepentant.

its like reading a book. you flip through the pages, read the words. look up the meaning of the ones you do not know in the dictionary. you carry on and eventually you finish the book. you understand what was written in the pages. sometimes you take the help of others, scholars, who explain to you what the words mean. cause sometimes words can have two meanings, or even more. you can Google it up as well. but the one thing that you can't do is to read the thoughts of the writer. you can't feel the exact same emotion that the writer undergoes while penning down the words. what the writer is thinking...no, that is the sacred domain of the writer. similarly, my innermost thoughts are my own.

...i am an extrovert. i am a traveler. i am a talker. i am a listener. i am a storyteller. i am a friend. i am a best friend. i am a brother. i am a son. i am the cat's daddy. i am a teacher. i am a student. i am a stranger. i am an acquaintance. i am a beer-buddy. i am a partner-in-crime. i am the one you love. i am the one you hate. i am a lot of things. and i never deny any of them. i always leave behind a trail of words for you to read. juicy tidbits if you may...

but what are my innermost thoughts about myself are only for me to figure out and know. you should know that your not knowing who i am is not going to change my relation or my response to you. it is my choice to remain aloof. you are free to try and decipher me, figure me out, understand me or simply judge me if you must. i most definitely won't talk about myself and indulge you, there are enough people in this world to do that for you. accusing me of not sharing my thoughts and 'opening up' is not going to get anyone anywhere. all you shall ever get is a smile. and then one more story of what happened one day...

...so anyone want to hear a fun story? it's a good one i tell ya!

***

PPS: all right! rant over. now if you want the honest truth; its simply that to me you are more interesting & hence I'd rather talk about you. so go figure!

so when am i going to post again???...

2009-03-14T12:52:00.005+05:30

for more pics go to the photoblog

...any answers to this question folks? cause i seem to be doing a terrible job when it comes to looking for 'the' answer...

unlocking some doors...

2009-02-18T18:53:00.007+05:30

...memories are a key into the past. sometimes, i step back and forget to keep the door ajar. i get locked in into the past and then there are times when i loose the key and become locked out, unable to reach inwards and connect with all that i left behind. i do not intend to do so. i am just bad with handling keys. i just happen to loose them every now and then.

and then sometimes it takes a storm out of nowhere to come and knock down the door and unleash the flood of old memories and emotions that completely engulf me and drown me. the rapid motion of the sudden surge completely paralyzing my body that had long given up trying to struggle and swim away. only the eyes are the last portal of spontaneity, of realization. and then i drown. slowly. deeper into the abyss.

my last words caught in the last gasp for air that violently bubbles up towards the surface only to remain unsaid forever. my last "sorry" & my last "i love you"; are but bubbles in the flood. insignificant. lost. inconsequential.

there are quite a few people who are locked up behind the doors. people who mattered to me more than everything. people with whom, over the course of time, i drifted away. i locked them in. yes, i did it! i had to. the reason for this is not justifiable enough to anyone except myself.

***

Sudha Ma'm passed away on the 1st of February 09 due to cancer. and with her passed away the curious 16 year old whom she taught the basics of economics and logic and directed him on a journey that has taken me half way around the world and into my brain. with her passed away the boy who would excitedly devour any book in his path cause he wanted to go discuss it and turn it over with his teacher. with her passed away a son, who loved her like a mother despite not being related to her in any other way except for a book and a classroom.

i walked onward in life trying to satiate the curiosity that she had honed to such levels that 'looking back' was never an answer for the fear of being held back. years later over those rare time-snatched phone calls it would always be a quaint "how are you son?", never was i told how she was. it was impermissible, to know that she was not fine or that she desired something more from her student, her son. a mother never demands. even if it is time and a phone call. or maybe she never did expect anything back in return. and then sometime, somehow, she was locked in on the other side.

the day before yesterday, the doors were smashed open by an innocuous enough little offline message. it took some time for the mind to register the surge that was coming. and then it hit.

i just have to say this. to all the people whom i love. i know that i can be incorrigible enough to not keep in touch. i know that i get so caught up in life, that i hardly spare time or the effort to reach out and say the things that i have to say. i get hurt and then i lock myself on the other side of the door. that is how i function. and i am not proud of how distant i can become, but i have no regrets for who i am. but i understand the consequences of my actions and i live with them no matter what. i drown to the deepest depths of the abyss. i re-emerge and walk ever onwards.

i just want to say that "i love you" and that "i am sorry" for all the times when i have not been the person that you have wanted me to be. but i am getting there.

***

the current song in the background is 'You're Beautiful' by James Blunt. there are memories associated with that as well. its just one more lost key to a locked door. but this is the one door i don't want opened. i am not strong enough to face the surge. and there will be no resurrection.

Valentine's Day Blues!! yes, blues and not reds...

2009-02-14T22:22:00.010+05:30

okies! i survived through today!

...here's the customary Valentine's Day post. no 'actual single' date for the 4th consecutive year running. either i am loosing my touch or i am jinxed or plain ol' lucky! you take your pick.

so i have been penning down stuff over the past couple of days. blogville has been pretty active this 'love' season and they have made me come out of my writer's block and go nuts!

but first,

new hair cut!! new hair cut! gone are the long messy wavy locks...

***

this one is influenced by none other than d'Rat! crazy woman, you got me all inspired and tapping and singing. love ya!

...pink chaddis and all are fine,
but i am still without a Valentine!
so i guess i am going to stick to my sorry tune,
anyways most people think i am a crazy loon.
my cards and gifts are to be taken with Asprin,
only cakes are something for which i would kill.
amazing women and good food are pretty fine,
but that ain't reason for me to get a Valentine?
a bottle of Rum and an ol' quirky song,
the cat on the ceiling and me in a thong!
singing and dancing and jiving to my quirky song.
dude, St Valentine, you can join in too,
and all you women, "yeah, i love you too!"
but this Valentine ain't going to be no different
and i ain't going nowhere, and i'm still here
so unless you call me and sing me a different song,
i shall keep hoarsing my voice in this quirky song!...

***

and these two were pulled out by d'Gypsy and her intense posts over the last couple of days.

red was the color of the plucked petal
red was the stain smeared on the page
red was the heart that beat for it,
red was the blood that it's thorns drew.

red was the sun in setting that night.
the fragrance of the red rose,
coloring her dreams red too.

cause red was the color tainted by the rose.

but, faint was the smile on her red lips
upon beholding the red rose.

.....................

the silence shall unravel my desires.
the needs of a carnal being
one by one seeping away.
to see you
to caress you
to kiss you
the addicted mind seeks a way.

the fear of not having you
worse than cold decay.
and i'd rather walk a million miles naked.

to have known you
was my sin, my vice,
the redemption now sought each day.
& fantasies fueled by unrequited desires,
beg to have never known you.

but i 'do' know you,
& i would go back and change time;
only to see you
only to caress you
only to kiss you
& to know you all over again.

***

...went traversing across the town. took my camera along. and here are a few clicks from today!

the girls at the Uni!! the 'Mata Sita Sena'.

love is in the air! once again, at the Uni... :)

coffee house mushiness...

sweet nothings...

the only indulgence of the day...

my hot date!

my cute date!

this is how the cat spent Valentines Day...in the best way possible.

my new books!! love ya Ghosty!! thanks bro...

***

someone stopped by at the apartment to see cat. i'm hoping that was an excuse. either ways, its a good thing that the cat and his inherent cuteness and shyness necessitates much more than a single visit. so even if she did come to actually see cat, she has to come back again and again!

...i, of all the people, am wicked! ;)

networking the net...

2009-02-09T20:40:00.005+05:30

okay then...

...the thing with having a name like mine is that it does tend to become a bit ambiguous at times. especially in a country like India, where the phonetic structure of the name basically determines the gender of the bearer. i have lived my 23 years and more with the inevitable massacre of my 'Bengali' name here in Gujarat (and no, i am not speaking of the 'accent-kill' that various people all over the world have subjected me to)...

i love my name. people love misspelling it, mispronouncing it and un-genderizing it. but then, we all think its pretty cool.

the other thing is that, Facebook and Orkut are pretty swell! i mean, hello!! i managed to trace down all of my short list of 'long lost' buddies and give them a fair share of my 'abuses' thanks to such networking sites. in return i have received umpteen friend requests from people who i believe, know me. i generally suffer from brain freeze in memory terms when it comes to remembering all the many people i happen to run in to. so i follow a simple principle, "if you happen to know a fair amount of the people i 'do' remember running into, then maybe i do know you."

...only recently have i learnt, how mistaken i can be.

life and people subject me to certain 'gems' of humorous incidents from time to time. my experiences with my name is one of my all time favorite. the networking sites too have a fair share of humor to offer. and here is one such example of them both combined...

(credit goes to d'Rat and her recent post for reminding me of this little gem i had tucked away somewhere on my harddisk awaiting a blog mention)

***

(7:45pm) Harsh: hi

(7:47pm) Nachi: hey!

(7:48pm) Harsh: wassup?

(7:48pm) Nachi: nothing, much..at home

(7:48pm) Harsh: wat else?

(7:48pm) Nachi: nothing!

(7:49pm) Harsh: commited?

(7:49pm) Nachi: eh?

(7:49pm) Harsh: why eh? hello! u there?

(7:51pm) Nachi: committed in what sense?

(7:51pm) Harsh: having bf? hmm..........

(7:54pm) Harsh: slept?

(7:55pm) Nachi: tell me one good reason why i should have a bf??

(7:56pm) Harsh: not 2 get bored! :):)

and secondly for having quenched ur thirst

(7:57pm) Nachi: hmm, and what in the world is wrong with the women of the world, that i must go find a guy???

(7:57pm) Harsh: just to get satisfied....say....

(7:59pm) Harsh: hmmm

(7:59pm) Nachi: so you mean to say that, in order to get satisfied i must change my preferences from women to men and get myself a bf?? hmmm...not sure i agree with that! i like me women, and so far i have no reason to complain otherwise

:D:D

(8:00pm) Harsh: i hope u r not lesbi** ...then u must get a guy of ur type

(8:01pm) Nachi: hemm, okies...i guess i must clarify certain misconceptions here my dear friend...forget lesbi!! i am a guy!!

i guess you got the gender confused here mate!!

lolz!! :P:P

(8:01pm) Harsh: haha

nice way 2 joke

(8:01pm) Nachi: really!

(8:01pm) Harsh: haha

i knew it

(8:02pm) Nachi: nice going man!! you are so desperate that you are hitting on another guy!! OMG

(8:02pm) Harsh: but just doing tp (read: time pass)

(8:04pm) Nachi: yeah right...cover your ass now buster...made the mistake and now saying it was tp

saala didn't know you were flirting with a guy!!

what a bummer!!

:D:D

(8:05pm) Harsh: hey u f**ker

i saw ur profile b4 i started chatting okay

so better get those words back into ur own a**....

(8:07pm) Nachi: lolz!! saw the profile and still were desperate enough to make the move! sheesh mate! you sure are having one long dry spell, eh?

:D:D

(8:13pm) Harsh: no man just cracking holes...

(8:16pm) Nachi: yeah right!! now that i have a jack hammer up your's you are all so willing to say that you knew it all along...go bum someone else mate!!

you are not getting out of this shit hole that you have dug yourself into...

(8:17pm) Harsh: oh.really

(8:17pm) Nachi: :D:D

(8:17pm) Harsh: not so true

(8:17pm) Nachi: dude you are so messed up!!

LMAO!!!

(8:18pm) Harsh: LMLM beta.....ACEP

fine

huh.........mr. nachi or nagi? wat do u call it?

(8:19pm) Nachi: ?? is that the best you can do mate?? no wonder you are still single and desperate...

lolz!!

you know what man?? i gotta thank you...no really...its been a long time since someone has made me laugh so much with their stupidity!!

dude, you one of a kind, eh!

:P:P

(8:22pm) Harsh: ya thanks for ur comment and u shud thank me too for the laugh

:):)

(8:23pm) Nachi: i already am mate!! thats what i said. thank you for making me laugh with your stupidity and desperation..

(8:23pm) Harsh: ya

(8:24pm) Nachi: now if you didn't understand that, then i guess that i know why you made the mistake of thinking i am a girl despite all the evidence otherwise...you are one dumb fella who can't understand the language, can you?

(8:24pm) Harsh: u type so much dude.......have u got 20 fingerS?

if u have finished wid ur MC notes then we will talk

(8:25pm) Nachi: talk with a guy who is desperate enough to hit on other guys by make-believing that they are women...no thanks! i think i have had my share of laughter for the day...

(8:26pm) Harsh: okay then f**k-off

(8:26pm) Nachi: the next time i feel like laughing..i shall get back to you

:D:D

cheers mate...and good luck with finding a real (R.E.A.L) girl

may the dry spell end soon for you..or else, God only save us all other men!!

:D:D

lol!!

***

what can i say! sometimes the wonders never cease...and yes, i have not chatted with Mr.Harsh ever since...something tells me he is avoiding me like the plague!

dear Nachi, get well soon...

2009-02-02T01:31:00.005+05:30

...this past weekend was bad. at least it started off badly enough...and all i have to show for my labours is the following pictures (go check them all out at the photo blog).

***

also, attended my first proper funeral this weekend. saw how the death of a loved one utterly destroys even the most resilient and the strongest of people.

someone else's anguish almost made me cry and for once i hated death from the very depths of my heart.

the lone leaf. always alone in death.

***

stole something from a beautiful friend. told her i'd give it back. i intend to keep my word. tomorrow i will return what is her's.

***

i sped onwards. i fell. i hurt...i picked myself up and walked on. i am healing.

***

i celebrated life and friendship and the things that remind me that life is indeed good despite the pain. i had fun! cause the one thing that i am genuinely good at is having fun. and cake. and more cake. actually 3 cakes..

A 'lot of things' in the Hat! not just the Cat...

2009-01-29T22:49:00.005+05:30

"Thursdays can be normal days"

...you do the normal stuff. go to college, meet up with a bunch or friends, have a little birthday celebration for one of them, then make your way to the school and finally end up making the my little terrorist kids read 'Cat in the Hat' and then play tag and 'antakshari' with them...

Abdul (Grade 2)

Zoysha (Grade 2)

***

...this happens only in India! the one stop medical store...from medicine to 'get well soon' cards to flowers...you got is all here. hell!! i bet, if i walked in and asked they would also be in the business of providing me with a life/medical insurance cover and/or funeral services. but i dare not...

***

...also, only in India (heavy dose of sarcasm here. today was also my sarcastic best of the week so far). where you have an educational institution as important as a school advertising itself not on its academic credentials but instead on its ability to incorporate (read as hire) a young talent show winner to come be a part of its Annual day function. what ever happened to the days when it was all about the team work and efforts put in by the students and the teachers, together, in a celebration of the wonderful days that were spent in the school over the course of the year?? today its all about attracting the star talent and marketing the ability of the school to do so. so what that back in our days we had lavishly planned and elaborately worked out 'small but more personal' Annual School Days. no money, no talent show winner, no Annual Day...as simple as that! in short, we sucked!

i couldn't but help notice, my sense of humor tickled gently, the irony of life. here you have a huge hoarding advertising the youth, the children...and then right below, you have an equal signboard cautioning the aged, the retired...time sure has flown rapidly between the two spaces.

***

...anyways, if ever there was a happy life, Cat has it! just look at him. aww, my baby boy! rest, we are all subject to the pun called 'life'...

...Thursday's are good days! :)

randomization...

2009-01-23T22:53:00.008+05:30

...sometimes i like to walk. on such days, i simply take off! time, people, places matter not. nothing else matters. all that matters is that i am walking.

...the mind is an amazing thing. mind games are better. sometimes it takes forever and then there is the 4 move blitzkrieg. the joy of having won a hard fought battle is unparalleled. 32 pieces, 64 squares. your move!

...love is a fickle human emotion. the fur ball does not adhere to it. he has his own quotient of love.

...college life can be strenuous (just look at Chinky)...so can life in general!

...but its a fun journey nevertheless. so hit the road! :)

***

...

if only the clock on the wall but only kept time,
the hands for most were but mine.
mechanically ticking away the moments
not realizing that when the bell chimed
i would awaken.
...

Machiavelli's morality, my guilt...

2009-01-21T21:18:00.006+05:30

"Yes We Can!"

...if there is one thing that is for sure, it is that Obama sells!! but i guess that he is not the only one...

So this is what the buyers say and ask us to believe in, "Modi for PM?"

"No We Can't!"

***

...but i guess that there are times when the lesser of the evils has to be chosen. i may not be a staunch fan of Modi and i do completely abhor his route to power in attaining the Gujarat Chief Minister-ship; but i also do realize the immense money and economic stability that he has brought to the State. he may have risen like an apocalyptic angel straight from hell, dusting off the ashes of the thousands slaughtered in the Gujarat riots in displaying his shining wings, but so did Mao, Stalin and the entire 'New World'...

...a Machiavellian choice i have made... for me Modi is, and will remain, a supported political figure in Gujarat in the absence of any other realistic alternative. but my conscience judges against elevating him to the same at a national level. we do not need a butcher's efficiency in running our country. we need a leader's vision.

...and if no one can provide that for us, we will each do so ourselves. and that is something that i am willing to believe in, cause...

"Yes We Can!"

...its celebration time folks!!!

2009-01-16T20:21:00.008+05:30

...ok ok ok!!! its party time people...

"Whoopie!! Yippieeeeyay!! Hurrah!!"

4 years its been since i first decided to pen my thoughts down on this blog. 4 years since i decided to create a tiny niche and space where i could reminiscence about 'a little thing called life!!'...my life in my words...and tomorrow i rip off the last page on the 4th calendar and usher in a new one (this is what it looks like).

Happy 4th Birthday to bloggy!! :)

...ahem, well the Phoenix beer is only for me! Cheers!

***

ps: ok, i was dumb and stupid and a jerk enough to forget. but i just remembered (only 5 days late this time around sweetheart)!! i know i am a bad bad bad blogger. but i love you blog! and i would have none other than you...serious.

*the 'brown puppy eyes' wala look!*

the story of a son and a father...

2009-01-13T23:30:00.005+05:30

right now the only emotion engulfing my entire being is that of intense anger and despair!

...how i wish that things were different. how i wish that there was a better way of going about with life. how i wish that father and son were more alike in thought. how i wish for so many things...

but this is the life i lead and this is the father i love. he drives me to the wall and makes me scream out in despair at the constant virulent pessimism and the hobnob principles and hypocritical ideals and 'social' rules he lives by and tries to enforce upon me as well. he makes me want to throw up in anger and disgust at his inability to appreciate life for what it is worth and his blindness to all beauty within the filth that we exist in.

he lives in a world that is 'black and white'. i survive in a pallet of vivacious colors.

i hurt, i feel and i despair! still more than all of this ,i love! i love him for who he is. yes, there are a million things that i would change about him. but then, he would not be the man that he is. he would not be the father that he is. and yet, for most of the time, i am angry and hurting...

"life, i tell you!!"

...i guess its all a matter of perspective. we are both right where we stand. we both have the same habit of never backing down for what we believe to be right. in many ways 'father and son' are more alike than we would both like to believe. it's the choices that we make in life that are different. what simply differs is the fundamental basics that define the working of our minds. for we cannot think alike. never!

***

the anger shall pass. the love will remain. we both know that.

band baja and gaana shaana...

2009-01-08T23:40:00.005+05:30

time for a bit of तड़का (tadka) of मीर्च (chilly) and मसाला (masala) to life!!

***

if there is one thing that we boys (I, Saady and Chinky) are good at, then it most definitely has to be 'being loony' at the very top of the long long list...

"we have our many fixations and vexations. especially so when we are tickled in our funny bone."

...So, anyways, can't wait for Dev D to release this month. have been awaiting the damn movie since forever. the disease spread from Saddy's Mumbai dreams phase (they made him do push ups and he called it interning at a Production Studio). anyways, have been tripping on this song for sometime now. its like an anthem for us these days! sorry Curt Cobain, but Patna Presleys are the flavor of the month...

* *

enjoy! :)

the flame that illuminates the path...

2009-01-07T14:19:00.009+05:30

the last couple of days have been something of the 'rolling down the grassy hill' sorts. suddenly life has been engulfed in a rapid momentum. a dance of creativity, knowledge, friendship, work and intense satisfaction to the current state of my soul.

"the illuminated and fiery flame dance!"

***

the sun triplets of night!

the technological fireflies' flight to the sun triplets!

...things can be at times out of place and out of time. so can be our existence. a specific journey towards the ever elusive 'Zion', is our entire life. from dusk till dawn. a traveler who walks many paths at the same time...i wish i was born a century ago.

***

...but here i am! and this is where i shall leave my mark! i utter many words during the course of the day. i once said, "we all live in a time and in a world where we are encouraged to stage and exhibit the basest of our habits and where seemingly nothing matters, and yet everything is at stake; and we have the capacity within us to walk this stage as the Colossus of our times."

***

i have my own path that must i tread on, and it is full of potholes and mountains.
walking it leads me towards what end destination i myself know nothing of.
every unstoppable force will one day meet an immovable object and
re-define the Celestial Laws of physics.
until that day, i cannot stop.
i will not.

***

ps: have updated the photo blog. i have been on a sojourn with my camera of late...see for yourself what i have seen!

this year's cookbook...

2009-01-03T11:55:00.004+05:30

"if you cook, i like you!"

...and not just figuratively and in a gastronomical sense, but quite literally. after all, who you are as a person shows through what you cook for a meal. our sense of cooking and palate of taste is unique to us each. you can't cook what i cook best the way i do, and i can't imitate my mother's recipe for her Rajma-Chaval (although i hold that it has lost its essence and flavor ever since mom decided to go the 'no-garlic-no-onion' way).

i like to experiment. i like to play around with flavors and spices as i indulge myself in the sensual gamult of smell and sight and taste and feel and intution when i cook, the same way i indulge in them in my daily life. one spice at a time, added at the right time when cooking. one step at a time, made in the right direction in life...

this coming year, life is going to be thrown in the chef's wok. the special ingredient, "the fiery and passionate chilly".

***

"Happy New Year, folks!"

one more to the list...

2008-12-26T01:58:00.002+05:30

traalala...

The Mime Blog!

...now then, its always nice to see one's ideas take flight, ain't it??

:)

of differences & perspectives...

2008-12-18T22:52:00.006+05:30

S.S.D.D

or maybe something new this time for a change!

“कहने को तोह बहुत है हमारे पास, बोलने को शब्द अनेक। आवाज़ हमारे वाणी की जैसे दिल से निकली एक चीख। मगर बिन उपयोग किए शब्द जो निशब्द वाणी से हम कहे सके, उसी में हमारी जीत्

(We have a lot to speak about, and plenty of words that we want to say. Our tone of our voice is like the cry of an anguish stricken heart. But it is only in the unspoken silence of our words that our message is carried. And that silent message is our victory)

...As a group of individuals we have a certain direction and a holistic perspective that we present to the world through our activities. It may not be a likable and a perfect vision that is at all times conformist, but it is nevertheless what we see and what we perceive of our world through our many eyes. Many of the things of life we miss out on, while some we are taught to ignore, but then there are a few instances of life that we speak up for and against, through our dramatics, humour and nautanki to remind people that though ‘Life’ is of myriad hues and although the perspectives are different, in essence it is still the same.

The task is not a tough one, just a walk along a redundant and an over-accomplished route towards reaching out to the world as it is and to share our perspective of the same world.

But what matters is that it is a journey that we are all embarking on together...

...let's see how far we go from here...

दूध में जलेबी...एकदम मस्त life...

2008-12-13T12:32:00.007+05:30

sometimes, you know, you just have to give in to temptations...who ever has said that, "Eat to Live, and not Live to Eat." I am sure has never been to India. we are the land of mysticism, legends, beauty, colors and spices, of a million Gods and over a billion and half people...but most of all, we are a land of FOOD!!

हम ज़िंदगी को केवल जिकर नहीं बल्कि उसे चख कर उसके ज़ायेके का मज़ा लेते है । यही है हम भारत वासीयों की पहेचान ।

...We are Indians. we live to eat and there's nothing wrong about it. yes, we are health conscious and even paranoid at times about the way we look and how the world perceives us. but for most of the times, we indulge in food. life is about food for us. our marriages, our funerals, our festivals or be it simply traveling from one part of our foodie nation to the other. for us, it's all about the food.

...and one of the many sheer indulgences that we have to succumb to are Jalebis! mmmm, hot hot Jalebis...

= Blissful Nachi. Happy Nachi

better still, put the jalebis overnight in the fridge, and then put them in a glass and top it up with warm milk. now that is pure heaven...and it's resting right here in my tummy!

Yum! Slurp!

:)

the Mime crime...

2008-12-08T22:44:00.003+05:30

call it a mimic's spur of the moment decision, but somehow i do manage to get myself into such things...to borrow a quote, "its a Mime Crime!" all it took was a random phone call one afternoon. And then...

S: Hello! where are you man?

Me: hey! just got home...why what's up?

S: come over to the Friends Society na! there's something that's come up...

Me: what?

S: just come over...tell ya when you get here.

Me: no hints or guesses, eh?

S: chal be...come fast.

Me: ok ok ...i am on my way.

...so 15 minutes later there i was at the Friends Society. for the first time in almost 3 years in Baroda i entered past the little gate that i had walked past like a million times by. to the voluntary organization that i was coerced and lured into joining in the past, and had walked away from with equal disdain each time. finally taken into the folds...both S and I...

half an hour later. i had agreed to work on a script for a play on social awareness for the 'special children' whom the Friends Society took care of and for whom they were organizing a sports meet. the next day i was discussing a few ideas with an equally flustered and new recruit, G, and by the end of that day, i was directing a Mime on a social cause that i could respect at a personal level and advocate at a social one along with a bunch of people i had never before met in my time in Baroda. 2 days later, we had a full on performance...a stage, a background score, a mime troupe and an audience!

life can be fast and spontaneous...and creative.

...the actual video of the performance and the performance pictures are in editing and processing. so for a sneak-peek here is a backstage shot of a part of the mime troupe!

Mr Ghost comes to banyan town...no not you Ghosty!

2008-12-05T11:29:00.004+05:30

"Nice guys end up as Ghosts."

...just a 'something' that has been a long time in the making, writing and getting done. an idea to unravel and relish the life and times spent in good ol' Baroda and to speak my mind while dripping in a pool of nostalgia...

...some people just have a lot to say. doesn't matter even if they are dead!

:)

at times even i have to be a teacher...

2008-12-02T21:43:00.004+05:30

"Did God himself really write the holy scriptures of all the religions? If yes, then why did he write so many of them?"

...kids sure have an uncanny knack of asking the 'right' questions just as much as we adults have the habit of ignoring them and failing to answer them...

one of the many joys of being a teacher is that such moments are not rare and often in presenting themselves to me. and when they do arise, i suddenly find myself in the situation of immense power. the power to influence and mold young minds today that tomorrow will do the same to many others. the power to make and break the fragile harmony of existence at the knife's edge that our society lives by. it would be so easy to dismiss it all off. just one wave of my arm and one shrug of my shoulder and the inquisitiveness would be squashed. the preposterous clamouring of the young minds would be disciplined and life would be much more easier and the syllabus i set out to complete would be followed. and over time, repeating the same attitude over and over again i will eventually be able to chain down the childlike voice of reason that questions everything and blind the curious eyes that see the world for what it is and what it can be. finally to lead them to believe what i want them to believe and to see the world as i want them to see. in black and white.

yes i can do all of this. it would be all so easy and convenient and so self assuring in the sense that i would never have to face a question again that i may not be able to answer and discredit my capacity as a teacher by admitting failure. i am smarter then them after all. i am the teacher.

...or i can choose the other road...

tell them that i am just a human being who is susceptible to failure and ignorance just like anyone else. that i do not know the answers to a lot of things in the world. that the world is not perfect, and i cannot change that fact by saying otherwise, and that i will tell them what i believe to be the truth and that once i have spoken my words they can choose for themselves.

i can tell them that God is most definitely not someone with the capacity to sit down and write words, sentences, paragraphs, chapters, volumes and books on religion. God, for all i know, does not even bother with religion. God is too busy looking after his children who are innocuously playing out their lives just like a mother who watches her child play in a park. we rise and fall, hurt and feel joy, and live and die while God watches over us; similar, to the child who runs and trips, laughs and cries, makes friends and breaks a tooth in the park while his/her mother looks on from the bench. she never stops the child from climbing the ladder for the fear of falling. similarly God never stops us from committing mistakes for the fear of going wrong. the mother and God, well, they just carry us back 'home' once the day is over with the same infinite love with which they carried us here.

No, God does not write anything...

"So is that all false?"

...Not really. in fact, i believe the contrary. God may not be dictating to us directly, but there are ways in which we are taken care of and spoken to. a gentle word passed down to us, reminding us to be careful and not to misbehave. to respect life everywhere for what it is and to never undermine our own capacities and doubt our conscience. like a mother speaking to her child.

the true essence of our religious teaching are but words that are passed down to us through the ages by wise people who understood the gravity of the muted whispers from God's lips and who were enlightened enough to give them a voice of reason and love that we all would understand. then over time the words begin to grow faint, and we felt the need to write down those words, just in case we ever forgot them. but in our Babel-istic ignorance we wrote them down in such a manner as to make it more and more ambiguous.

but that is not reason enough to discard them altogether, is it? No, God may have not written down a list of 'do's and don't' for us, but we most certainly have made a chart of how to live a good life. just as how a child playing in the park must not forget the mother's words of advice, so must we follow the loving guidance of God and God's people.

a teacher has to be very very careful. the words once uttered cannot be pulled back and they leave a lasting impression on the supremely malleable intellect of the child. it is my job to guide them towards understanding. i have to teach them to accept failure and never to give up; to strive towards understanding the world and towards maintaining an open outlook; to learn to share and love and at the same time to be smart enough to be able to survive in this 'man-kill-man' world of today; not to become too complacent in thought by acknowledging the existence of possibilities beyond our imagination; to fight when necessary and to back down when required...

and you know what the best part is??

...i myself know nothing about all of this. i myself am groping around in life coming to terms with myself and the world and the complex relationship that we share. i am myself undergoing changes all the time and learning how to 'just about scrap' through. and here i have to lead by example despite being an example in imperfection.

being a teacher most certainly is not easy. cause i have to be honest.

:)

a prayer to soothe our dark hearts...

2008-11-30T01:04:00.006+05:30

ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः । तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं । भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि । धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

And so began creation. From the infinity of darkness came first the tiny shard of eternal light, and from the tiny shard of eternal light came the first sound. “Om!” The sound of life and consciousness; the sound of knowledge and divinity; the sound of time and of creation and of eternity coming to terms with mortality.

It had to be so. But we forgot. Caught in the ethos of time and dimensions, we forgot. Belittled by our own sense of enthrallment at the prospect of understanding life and its creation, we forgot. True, creation began with the words, “Let there be light”, but we forgot the before light there was darkness; an all permeating, all prevailing, all encompassing darkness. And within the darkness lay the consciousness that determined that time was right once again for a light to be lit and for life to be reborn from that light and for time to find materialization. Cause darkness is timeless. For in darkness lies God.

So why fear the dark?

***

℮ = mc²

“The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...The solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.”

~ Albert Einstein.

***

...and today when the streets are but extended gutters full of blood with which the drains are finally scabbing over; all the vermin of creation drowning in the accumulated filth of our sex and murder foaming over to our waists; and when all of mankind, too scared to look back over our shoulders into our dark past, instead looks up and shouts, “SAVE US!”

The empty silence looks down and whispers, “No!”...

...a prelude of silence and then, 'Bang!' an overture of gunfire and chaos in this musical of death and mayhem...

Mumbai, the 26th of November 2008.