"they are too stuck in their dimensions of right and wrong that they pretend not to know. Because I have been bad to hide my true self. I need this, everyone needs a shield to protect themselves"
...i say, this is the one thing that i have tried unsuccessfully so far to make the people around me understand the most. especially the ones i love the most, cause with them i am the harshest. it's not that i enjoy being so, and nor is it because i am genetically built to be a 'sadistic chauvinistic selfish bastard with a conscience that runs as deep as the shallowest pool'. no it is definitely not for these reasons. you want to figure out my behavior then know that i am afraid of these people the most. for they can hurt me the most.
i am most vulnerable to the ones i love. they have hurt me in the past. they will hurt me in the future. but in most cases i will learn to forget and forgive the pain, that much i know for sure.agreed, that for them i would do anything, absolutely anything. but then there will be times when i will shut out the entire world and act in a manner that is absolutely incomprehensible to them. but that is simply because i need to do that. i need my space to brood and sulk over my pain in order to overcome it and learn to move on. respect that fact and don't push me to do things that i do not want to or tell me things that even i know, but can't help. keep your words, just give me a bar of chocolate when the time comes.
"I want to live and do something, I don't want to live and waste everything. I can survive with a glass of water and some bread. I don't need pity because for all I knew, I did not get a genuine one. I am human and I know what pain is. I have scars that no one can heal. My deal with God is my path in life to either live it or loose it all."
...i say, life for me is all about perspectives. i like to see things from different perspectives and give the other a chance apart from my own 'point of view notion'. i was different before. i used to be a self indulgent go-getter who was hell bent upon getting whatever he wanted. success was not an option. i was the best and i knew it. i made myself infallible. everything had to be my way. i was a class A asshole. now at least i am somewhat more human. i have learned that even i can fail. i must fail. failure gives you a much more humbler view of life that is much needed. i have learned to walk towards my goals instead of running blindly in a mad rush; and i am actually quite enjoying my leisurely pace. life is much kinder this way. both to me and to others.
i have learned to adapt and to compromise. but only for myself. i can survive on the proverbial 'bread and water', but i want to spoil the ones i care about. उनको तोह हम अपने पलको पर बीठा कर रखते है। cause i care about them.
ok, now i've finally had enough of all this drama (guess its time for a change of topic. so let's talk about my favorite topic, ME) . i often wonder what sort of a portrait this blog represents of my life...the drama's all there for sure, blown out of it's actual proportion by my indulgent mind, and a bit of the fun moments are injected as well...but most often than not, like i have said before. my life happens in between. the moments that go unmentioned. the things that i want to say, but am unable to. anyways, of late i have been feeling rather mixed. a bunch of myriad feelings. good and bad. mostly good. i am living a healthier life (yay! it's been 4 months since my last cigarette), i am better informed (considering the amount i have spent on books, i am also broke) and have a quaintly speculative attitude towards the 'greater' being (the philosophical and spiritual bug within me is itching).
ran into my old mates yesterday. loved it. shied away from my more recent pals a few days back. couldn't help it.
have been working with mom for the last few days. came down to A'bad to see her and to spend some time with her and ended up staying and taking a look at her work. liked it, so ended up staying a bit longer and actually lent a hand as well. her work is amazing. she is an amazing woman committed to an incredible ideal. wish i could spend some more time with her and travel along with her. i love you mom. you know that and that is why i am going to indulge in this little bit of shameless advertisement on your behalf.
my mom's work...albeit just some of it. take a look.
also have stolen this from you Ghosty. online polls.