Wednesday, June 18, 2008

for Keshi...with honesty and lots and lots of love...

well Keshi sure manages to ask the right questions. and she sure as hell makes sure to emphasis on the 'honesty' factor as an essential ingredient for the answers! that makes things all the more interesting. anyways, this was supposed to be a comment on Keshi's post. but i thought that it would be equally fine here as a tag thingy. spares me the effort of coming up with something of my own for this post at least. here we go...

Q1: What makes you truly happy?

...truly happy?? i really don't know for sure if there is one particular thing, and cause of that i keep on seeking reasons for joy in each and every opportunity and moment. but i do know that i'd be the happiest as a dad! cause i would be freaking fabulous. the bestest dad in the whole world!

Q2: What can't you live without?

...hmm, having a constantly in transit lifestyle helps get used to the idea of change in all spheres. but i guess that the one thing that i really need in the long run (even if it's on an on-off basis) is quality company. my mind would go crazy if i had to go without a decent intellectual, meaningful and spirited conversation with a fellow mind.

Q3: What's your daily source of inspiration?

...i guess that i feed off the people around me. the fact that each person is dealing with life with it's share of problems, that to each is tantamount as the 'end-of-the-world!', and is yet making the best of it gives me the strength to do the same. life is too short for regrets. yes, shit happens! so what?

Q4: What's your message to the world?

...listen to your conscience! in the long run everything always works out just fine.

Q5: What makes you unique?

...optimistic to the point of making people puke. gutsy to the point that i've never learned to back down. and the fact that i can be brutally loyal and blindly loving and at the same time be patiently vindictive and quietly dangerous when crossed wrong. but above all, the fact that i refuse to be anything short of completely honest and true to myself. the insatiable EGO would never permit even a shard of deceit to itself.

Q6: What flower are you and why?

...i am the daisy! simple enough to grow by the roadside; and yet, beautiful enough to make a child smile and a woman blush...


"go figure, eh! "


tonight, am going to be hosting a small dinner thingy for a few pals at home. made sure to give the cook an evening off and so am going spend the evening cooking. yay!


Monday, June 16, 2008

of kitty games and birthday songs and inherited humor...

okies, so dad's back to the island and sister's taken off to A'bad for the week. that leaves me and the cat to run amok at home!! not a very happy prospect considering that i am a stickler for cleanliness and that cat is a destructive little wascal when he is possessed by the devil and tries to come up with new ways to outsmart me and defy all 'set' norms. but apart from those moments, he is my little angle. so i'm actually looking forward to the 'week-long-cat-mischief' that is in store for me...

so let the game begin!



oh yeah, and mom! nice one with the Dev Das suggestion...agreed i ain't got any girl. but then neither do i have the booze or the money to go sit around at Chandramukhi's. but a nice one i know where i get my slightly (ok ok completely) sadistic humor from!

love ya ma! oh by the way, sorry about Mother's Day. i completely forgot. but i made up for it by getting dad an extra large cake for Father's Day!

(sheeeesh, i sure hope that you get the heavy as in a 'million tonnes' of humor here ma! or am i gonna get a call i don't think i wanna answer anytime soon)....


and a very very very LOUD shoutout for my German brother Timo!

Happy Birthday man!


Friday, June 13, 2008

the storyteller...

you know, the last post really happened as an outburst! a need to reaffirm my sanity through the remaining shards of rationality torn asunder by my anger and jealousy. in fact, anger would be a mild word. rage is more like it. and knowing that i am capable of such, it is scary not knowing where such emotions come from. but it passes. and then the tranquility of reason re-establishes itself as the keystone of my day. like i said,

"being prone to my emotions and feeling each and every nuance of it's existence and it's power and sway over me is not something that i am ashamed of. i can feel, and i am proud of it!"

i have always loved stories. i grew up feeding on them. they have nourished me from a child to a man and now it is my ardent desire to pass on the same to the next. there is something about our life and our mode of education today that makes us more passive. more impassioned to the world and to ourselves. we see the world through the eyes of scientific rationality and technological advances. it is a world of social averages and anything that is on the verge of extreme is seen as vile. and maybe it is rightly so. but i grew up with a different mindset. yes, i too had teachers who taught me about 'this world' and how to be a part of it within it's definition of successes and failures. but then, i also had 'my stories' that made me see things differently.

...not just stories that told you how everyone came back home and lived happily ever after, but stories that when read between the lines told me how savage we men could be; how beautiful we could be; how vile we could be; how passionate we could be; how volatile we could be; how despite being everything that we were taught not to be we still were each uniquely unparalleled in a world of chaos and uncertainty; where every step we took was equal to ten steps taken by the one's before us, and yet where at the end of the day we found ourselves back to where we had started from. in a world that was staged to exhibit the basest of our habits and where nothing mattered, and yet everything was at stake, and how we have the capacity within us to walk this stage as the Colossus of our times...

sometimes the stories become more than just words...
Friday the 13th...ominous? maybe not. have had crazy weird dreams for a while now. cannot exactly remember the details, more precisely the faces. but what strikes as weird is the fact that the objects that were part of the dreams have somehow remained vaguely etched in my mind.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

from perfect to perfect...

you know, i was in a perfectly great mood today! ...absolutely perfect, if i may.

one of those rare days when everything seems to be going so fine. one of those days when you get up to a nice cup of tea and the newspaper (for once devoid of any macabre headline on the front page), followed by a telephone call with your favorite person and a movie outing with dad (something we did like after ages)! zap forward to a lazy afternoon spent with cat and books to a nice cloudy and cool evening. you know, the types that make me think that i'd take a lovely little walk to the cybercafe and take a look at the happenings around blogger ville. put up a nice little 'something' and then walk back home, preferably in the drizzling rain. stop by to pick up some groceries on the way and then get home. drenched, but still happy as can be. take a shower. have dinner and then sit down in front of the TV for the Spain v/s Russia game tonight, and cheer for the Spaniards!

simple desires! and everything was possible. and then, i take a slight deviation. go check out one of these damn 'facebook/orkut/myspace' networks, come across the picture of the person i least wanted to see (hell, even acknowledge the existence of) plastered across my home page, and there! the perfect mood goes for a toss! ...a bloody hit out of the park, if i may!

sometimes, all it takes is the reminder that there are somethings that you cannot control, cannot change. cannot help. and those very things happen to make the very differences that lie between your 'i-am-as-happy-can-be' and 'i-feel-like-an-idiot-and-only-killing-somebody-is-going-to-make-me-feel-better' state of mind!

"we men are so susceptible to our emotions running haywire. and it really doesn't take much. just a tiny little reminder. anyways, at least we are rational enough to realize that such occurrences cannot dictate us forever."

so i guess that it shall be as planned. a walk in the rain and then the game! the perfect day must continue... what have you been up to my friend?

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Footie fever strikes...again...

...the Eurocup 2008 starts tonight! yay!

No England!!! yessssss...go Raul!!

will be rooting for the Spaniards this year. although i do have a soft corner for the Germans as well. Timo, Hubsi, Rasta Matze, Mitty and my fellow German crazies, shall keep my fingers crossed for Ballack's boys as well!



3 movies that i want to watch...

#1: Sarkar Raj

#2: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

#3: Batman: the Dark Knight

...ooooooooooooo!!!! the Clown Prince of crime!! the Joker!! my favorite villain of all, immortalised by the inimitable Heath Ledger...

...but movie mate is missing. she thinks that it is a good time to go absolve herself and wash away her sins in the holy waters at Haridwar. as if ditching me and making merry on the banks of the Ganges was going to be any less than any 'sin'.


also, cat likes Dog-food! weird!


Thursday, June 05, 2008

simple joys of life...

on some days you feel the tremors of life the most...the fractures, the differences, the disparities that make and unmake everything around you and the bittersweet realization of the fact that they only arise from the absolute similarities that you share with the others; it shakes you to the very core of your heart and soul. you are torn between yourself and the ones you love. your family. your friends. your world. all held up and substantiated by the intense love that you have for each and every one of them. love that makes everything so meaningful. love that gives you a reason to actually hold on to everything in a vice-like grip that at times manages to choke 'the other'. and then it is the same love that tears you apart when you are pitted up against yourself and the ones you love. changes are for real. things change. people change. situations change. we all have learnt to accept this dictum of life (called it as fate, if one may want to obliterate all responsibilities leading to as such) and have constantly adapted to the change by moving on. by changing ourselves.

but there are somethings that never change. some people who have not changed and who will never change. some things are constant in the constant motion of life. some things that you can't move on with. these are the aspects of life wherein we need to hold on. but can we do that?

always taught to run. always taught to keep moving. always taught that fluidity is something better. always taught to be something different. can we take a step back in time and become static? undo the change? confound it! at times life demands a certain sense of volatility to it. but that may not be so forthcoming...sometimes it is merely one step forward and two steps back. you find yourself in the same place at a different time. can you make something better out of it this time? or are you going to let things be the way they have always you have that second wind in your tired soul that will help you find the strength to make the best of the second chance you have been offered? everyone gets a second chance. so will you. but are you going to change things around like the last time when you said, "things need to change!"...
it rained today. after an eternity there was finally recourse to the heat apart from planet destroying means...and if nothing else, there was the opportunity to enjoy the rains, smell the freshly damp earth, let it's sensuous fragrance fill you up, see the rain pour down and then rev up the bike, ride out in joy and in the rain...go the the chai larri and get some nice hot chai (tea) and enjoy the sweet mingling of the rain water with your skin and the chai with your saliva. come back home and pick up a book or better still, pick up the cat and rub his tummy till he purrs is sheer delight, as have you!
there are innumerable things that are running through this mind. so many thoughts that vie to occupy the mantle of the one that is substantiated with an existence of its own. a mind that is itching to say many things, that it fathoms out of the depths of its ceaseless memory, is a tough mistress. she wants everything at her own personal disposal, and in return, all she promises is more and more heartache. it breaks your heart to know that you can never satisfy her, never truly reign in her inherent infidelity that rubbishes loyalty to either one of her many thoughts. the mind cannot be loyal. the mind has to change. the mind is volatile. the mind is full of joy! it is the heart that must ache each time it chooses. but you still cannot stop yourself from loving her. after all she belongs to you. she is you. insatiable. inexhaustible. infidel. invulnerable.

"the mind is the whore that our soul goes to each night to satiate it's own lust. the heart is her twin whom the soul spurned only to return to the next day and soothe."

but how far the soul indulges the mind is what matters. is the lust overpowering enough to enable the mind to play her tricks, to show you the immense possibilities that is this life, and then shatter them all by showing you the reality the very next moment. the mind is a tease. she knows how to seduce you and she does so shamelessly, cause she knows that for all the heroic pretences that you make during the day that pushes aside her dark desires 'out of the goodness of you heart', in the dark of the night when everyone else is fast asleep you shall sneak back in to her bed. you cannot resist her. you are her slave! she has conquered you.
life can have simple joys! we need not give in to the complexities and justify all that is around us. what we choose to be does not carry along with it the baggage of explanations and justifications for the choices we choose not to make. what may reside in our heart and our mind may not always be what we live out in reality. we all know that.