Saturday, May 23, 2009

MY Rights...


ITS A MARVEL! really! and we all abide by it. at least we presume to do so...






...so yeah, i got Rights you know? damn you! i have SIX of them to be precise. all in a neat order, mind you.

  1. Right to Equality.
  2. Right to Freedom.
  3. Right against Exploitation.
  4. Right to Freedom of Religion.
  5. Cultural & Educational Rights.
  6. Right to Constitutional Remedies.

"YOU! do you have them?"


***


...so anyways, Indian life is actually based around these Rights. kindda like the planets revolving around the sun. they really don't have a choice, do they? there is this big round ball of fire and they oscillate around it. there are these Rights, and you 'right as well remember them'. you want a different perspective? too bad. go F*** yourself saale bhenchod. chalta baan. aage nikal...

spending hours at the railway station waiting for the train is an eye opener to the uninitiated in their so called 'Constitutional Rights' and their actual "This is India, sirjee" Rights.

  1. You have the Right to wait patiently at the platform for your train , over a period of time that may actually be more than the time of the journey itself (you never ever whine about the train being late. Are you driving the train? Am I driving the train?).
  2. You have the Right to carry humongous amount of luggage, pretty much consolidating a moving refugee camp to shame. cause you have a RAC waiting list ticket.
  3. You have the Right to launch a search and locate operation to find the Luggage Room and then the Stationmaster and everything else. once you find them, it is your right to deny everyone else the same information. let them launch their own Search & Locate Op.
  4. You have the Right to call your relatives, friends and even extended family members to the station to keep you company and help in the S&L Op. we are Indians. the more, the noisier.
  5. You have the Right to be racist and gender biased in hurling abuses at the fellow platform inhabitants in a game of 'pass-on-the-abuse'. But beware, eunuchs are not part of the game. they are mere money collectors. think of it as a tax. to pay for your Rights.
  6. You have the Right to pay up 'kharcha-paani' to everyone. starting from the TC to the coolie (how racist were the English to coin up that term? saale gore). If you ignore this Right. they have the Right to make your life a bureaucratic and laborious hell!
  7. You have the Right to maintain a sadistic and humorous demeanor towards all. especially to the harried passengers on the train that has arrived 20 hours late by asking them, "what man, how late are you folks? you folks were taking a leak along the tracks all this time or what? you sure missed the IPL semi-final. cracking match it was."
  8. and finally, You have the Right to run. run as fast as you can before everybody joins the lynch mob and beats the crap out of you (actually you can beat the crap out of you too in the heat of the moment) in a "behti Ganga mein haath dhona" types moment.

***


...i pity the Americans the most. i really do. all they have is the RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT and then the one phone call...




but once again, just imagine the NYPD cops busting an Indian immigrant. the one phone call would be an international call to "Chunnu, Munnu, pappa, mummy and tau and tai and kaka and kaki and phupha and phuphi and pados wala Bunty and aapni Rashmi and the entire village back in India."

free ka call hai bhai. baat kar lo!

we are Indians. Mera Bharat mahaan.

Jai Hoh!

:)

***


*update*


PS:
further inquiries into the clowning matter reveled that the felon in the picture is actually Chriz. he was arrested for a drunken chicken-stabbing spree and trying to enter Guantanamo Bay disguised as a clown. he maintains that he did so solely for the purpose of wanting to get a hamburger from the prison cafeteria. officials believe that to be a lie and are investigating the matter further.


5 comments:

Stupidosaur said...

Its funny how people disable comments on some of their posts. As if no one could comment about that post in the next or previous post!

But then I won't comment on it just to prove the point, because I got my Right to be so Uncharitable with commenting ;)!

Nachi said...

Stupid-O: lmao!! i was expecting nothing less from you. actually i was quite curious as to what you would blurb?? would it be as meaningless as today's comment? funny, you held your ammo in check!

...so i too hold my peace, you uncharitable reptile who shall not comment...

:D

Chronicwriter said...

hahaha...

i have the right to speak and the right to comment

funny nachi is here...

coolio bro

chriz

Kavi said...

There are rights and there is this thing called right !!

The trouble begins when the rights end up marauding what seem to be right !

And as you say, you have the right to run. As fast as you can. And ofcourse, now, click on that thing they call mouse.

Or ofcourse, hit ctr-alt-del !

Lovely read bro ! It was quite something.

Stupidosaur said...

BHHHRRRRRRRRR.
BHDRDRDRDRDRDDRRUUUMMMBBRRR.
DUBUMBUDUMBUDUGGGGBRRDDGGG.

(Imagine my tongue sticking out of my mouth and modulating the voice to produce the above sounds)]

Does that provoke you enough to break your peace?
Out with it! (Not your tongue)
What was the rain-check about?