right now the only emotion engulfing my entire being is that of intense anger and despair!
...how i wish that things were different. how i wish that there was a better way of going about with life. how i wish that father and son were more alike in thought. how i wish for so many things...
but this is the life i lead and this is the father i love. he drives me to the wall and makes me scream out in despair at the constant virulent pessimism and the hobnob principles and hypocritical ideals and 'social' rules he lives by and tries to enforce upon me as well. he makes me want to throw up in anger and disgust at his inability to appreciate life for what it is worth and his blindness to all beauty within the filth that we exist in.
he lives in a world that is 'black and white'. i survive in a pallet of vivacious colors.
i hurt, i feel and i despair! still more than all of this ,i love! i love him for who he is. yes, there are a million things that i would change about him. but then, he would not be the man that he is. he would not be the father that he is. and yet, for most of the time, i am angry and hurting...
"life, i tell you!!"
...i guess its all a matter of perspective. we are both right where we stand. we both have the same habit of never backing down for what we believe to be right. in many ways 'father and son' are more alike than we would both like to believe. it's the choices that we make in life that are different. what simply differs is the fundamental basics that define the working of our minds. for we cannot think alike. never!
the anger shall pass. the love will remain. we both know that.