simple joys of life...

on some days you feel the tremors of life the most...the fractures, the differences, the disparities that make and unmake everything around you and the bittersweet realization of the fact that they only arise from the absolute similarities that you share with the others; it shakes you to the very core of your heart and soul. you are torn between yourself and the ones you love. your family. your friends. your world. all held up and substantiated by the intense love that you have for each and every one of them. love that makes everything so meaningful. love that gives you a reason to actually hold on to everything in a vice-like grip that at times manages to choke 'the other'. and then it is the same love that tears you apart when you are pitted up against yourself and the ones you love. changes are for real. things change. people change. situations change. we all have learnt to accept this dictum of life (called it as fate, if one may want to obliterate all responsibilities leading to as such) and have constantly adapted to the change by moving on. by changing ourselves.

but there are somethings that never change. some people who have not changed and who will never change. some things are constant in the constant motion of life. some things that you can't move on with. these are the aspects of life wherein we need to hold on. but can we do that?

always taught to run. always taught to keep moving. always taught that fluidity is something better. always taught to be something different. can we take a step back in time and become static? undo the change? confound it! at times life demands a certain sense of volatility to it. but that may not be so forthcoming...sometimes it is merely one step forward and two steps back. you find yourself in the same place at a different time. can you make something better out of it this time? or are you going to let things be the way they have always been...do you have that second wind in your tired soul that will help you find the strength to make the best of the second chance you have been offered? everyone gets a second chance. so will you. but are you going to change things around like the last time when you said, "things need to change!"...

***

it rained today. after an eternity there was finally recourse to the heat apart from planet destroying means...and if nothing else, there was the opportunity to enjoy the rains, smell the freshly damp earth, let it's sensuous fragrance fill you up, see the rain pour down and then rev up the bike, ride out in joy and in the rain...go the the chai larri and get some nice hot chai (tea) and enjoy the sweet mingling of the rain water with your skin and the chai with your saliva. come back home and pick up a book or better still, pick up the cat and rub his tummy till he purrs is sheer delight, as have you!

***

there are innumerable things that are running through this mind. so many thoughts that vie to occupy the mantle of the one that is substantiated with an existence of its own. a mind that is itching to say many things, that it fathoms out of the depths of its ceaseless memory, is a tough mistress. she wants everything at her own personal disposal, and in return, all she promises is more and more heartache. it breaks your heart to know that you can never satisfy her, never truly reign in her inherent infidelity that rubbishes loyalty to either one of her many thoughts. the mind cannot be loyal. the mind has to change. the mind is volatile. the mind is full of joy! it is the heart that must ache each time it chooses. but you still cannot stop yourself from loving her. after all she belongs to you. she is you. insatiable. inexhaustible. infidel. invulnerable.

"the mind is the whore that our soul goes to each night to satiate it's own lust. the heart is her twin whom the soul spurned only to return to the next day and soothe."

but how far the soul indulges the mind is what matters. is the lust overpowering enough to enable the mind to play her tricks, to show you the immense possibilities that is this life, and then shatter them all by showing you the reality the very next moment. the mind is a tease. she knows how to seduce you and she does so shamelessly, cause she knows that for all the heroic pretences that you make during the day that pushes aside her dark desires 'out of the goodness of you heart', in the dark of the night when everyone else is fast asleep you shall sneak back in to her bed. you cannot resist her. you are her slave! she has conquered you.

***

life can have simple joys! we need not give in to the complexities and justify all that is around us. what we choose to be does not carry along with it the baggage of explanations and justifications for the choices we choose not to make. what may reside in our heart and our mind may not always be what we live out in reality. we all know that.