Wednesday, January 23, 2008

why sleep?

i'm wondering what is it that prompts me to sit here at almost half past one in the morning, awaiting the insanely slow internet connection to finally load the page; while Ani is in one of her 'paint all night long phases' and brandishing the paint brush despite the excruciating pain of a cervical nature; when all other reason has failed to shut my eyelids in a drowsy stupor amidst the cosy comfort of my bed and the warm blanket eagerly awaiting me at home; the smell of the 'made ages ago' popcorn lingering in the air; the book begging to be read to the completion of it's climax, but at the same time nested atop the bag just beyond the reach of my arm; with the only recourse for my tired and restless being faltering between continuing to type on the keypad or throw my head back and continue gazing at Ani working with her paints; sitting; thinking; dreaming; wishing; wondering why. yes why indeed?
Ankita is fast asleep in her room. wonder what she is dreaming about?
...there are times when i know not why i do what i do and why i continue to do so despite knowing that what i do is something that doesn't rattle well with my 'at times' logical and rational brain that seems to be easily superseded by irrational, illogical fantasies that stem from the smell of the musty pages of the books that i have read and continue to read one by one and at times quite a few together as well; reading between the lines, making up my own stories that are at times different from what the author wishes to tell; different in the way i read it, but similar in essence; knowing that this is but a feeble excuse on my part; wondering what i would say to myself the next day when again my 'logical brain' takes control of my thoughts; fearing the chastising that i would give myself, despite knowing that the seemingly drugged infused state of my mind shall and it's disparate ramblings would once again come to the fore; and once again push me into the libido state of not knowing why.

there are times when i want to know why. but then most of the times i am seemingly content without knowing the reason behind everything. nothing needs reason. everything need not have a reason. you take what you get. you give what they take. you ask why. you do not ask why. you ramble on. you walk on. you keep moving on. you make choices. you live with their consequences. you live on. one day at a time. one moment at a time. life moves on and takes you along...
but sometimes all you need to do is sleep.

2 comments:

Keshi said...

i dun even know the 'reason' behind this life of mine. Ur spot on, there's no need to know the reason behind everything...and some things in life dun hv a reason at all. Just go with it anyways...

Great post Nachi!


Keshi.

Ghost Particle said...

bro bro bro :)

sleep is for us to escape into a new world. :)