lost...

i must have mentioned, lately i have been tweaking up my contacts back home in India just to make sure that i do not become yet another victim of the 'pardesh se lauta dude' syndrome...

its a hard task trying to acclimatise yourself to an environment that has changed drastically in the last 3 years...blame rampant globalisation & economic growth...damn all the potential benefits to the masses, having a country surge forward at this rate is simply disastrous news for all the gentry who are far flung from the land and who are trying to make a comeback...well i guess i'm exaggerating a bit, but for heaven's sake they shut down the ice tea place near IIM and opened this amazing cafe called Mocha instead...now i never get to relive those moments of late evenings spent at the Ice Tea Shop (aka Noon to Night). it's all gone. forever!!

apart from my 'oh so miserable' tale of woe, the one thing that has kindda dawned upon me is that the last 3 years on this island has seen me loose something. i seem to have lost myself in everything that has been my life so far. don't know how and when, but that certainly has happened...i take a look at all my friends and acquaintances back home & how well they have moved on in life and where they are right now, and then i take a look at myself...i see that i certainly have floundered. i seem to have lost that unbeatable aura that i used to have & my competitive spirit that ensured that i top everything that i set to do...i no longer strive, i just flow along.

it's just not like me. it doesn't feel like me...these three years are like this hazy mist that has engulfed me. it's neither a dream nor a nightmare, but it certainly does feel something between the two & at times i am left wishing that i wake up and find myself the way i was. but that would be waking up in a utopian land. cause these three years is as real as my fingers as i type this out. but i do wish that i would wake up and find myself back the way i was.

there are a million thoughts running through my head right now. but i can't seem to put most of them into words that would make sense to anyone but me!!

do i have any regrets in coming to Mauritius? ...maybe...

but, would i do it all over again? ...maybe...

do i feel lost & confused? ...yes, definitely...