Friday, June 30, 2006

lost...

i must have mentioned, lately i have been tweaking up my contacts back home in India just to make sure that i do not become yet another victim of the 'pardesh se lauta dude' syndrome...

its a hard task trying to acclimatise yourself to an environment that has changed drastically in the last 3 years...blame rampant globalisation & economic growth...damn all the potential benefits to the masses, having a country surge forward at this rate is simply disastrous news for all the gentry who are far flung from the land and who are trying to make a comeback...well i guess i'm exaggerating a bit, but for heaven's sake they shut down the ice tea place near IIM and opened this amazing cafe called Mocha instead...now i never get to relive those moments of late evenings spent at the Ice Tea Shop (aka Noon to Night). it's all gone. forever!!

apart from my 'oh so miserable' tale of woe, the one thing that has kindda dawned upon me is that the last 3 years on this island has seen me loose something. i seem to have lost myself in everything that has been my life so far. don't know how and when, but that certainly has happened...i take a look at all my friends and acquaintances back home & how well they have moved on in life and where they are right now, and then i take a look at myself...i see that i certainly have floundered. i seem to have lost that unbeatable aura that i used to have & my competitive spirit that ensured that i top everything that i set to do...i no longer strive, i just flow along.

it's just not like me. it doesn't feel like me...these three years are like this hazy mist that has engulfed me. it's neither a dream nor a nightmare, but it certainly does feel something between the two & at times i am left wishing that i wake up and find myself the way i was. but that would be waking up in a utopian land. cause these three years is as real as my fingers as i type this out. but i do wish that i would wake up and find myself back the way i was.

there are a million thoughts running through my head right now. but i can't seem to put most of them into words that would make sense to anyone but me!!

do i have any regrets in coming to Mauritius? ...maybe...

but, would i do it all over again? ...maybe...

do i feel lost & confused? ...yes, definitely...

5 comments:

Me said...

Oh Nachi.
God, I know how you feel.
But you know what, floundering is good too.
I mean as flow along, you might find something to strive for, yeah?
Here's a heartfelt "ogd I so know what you feel" hug!

Gordon van den Heever said...

Nachi,

First thing. Who is this person called "me"?

OK, then get back to what I need to say the least. I have met you on the island and you will always be part of the island. Now, what you have learned and where you come from is only part of the forming process of "NACHI". You have culture there and you have family, but it does not define the person in you. You went to Mauritius and if you ever regret that, you are a fool. Mauritius taught you something totally different from what you knew or previously experienced in India. It is also the forming process of "Nachi" and you will always change in every place you go to. It is not that you change for the real you, it is just that you adapt to different experiences to make life easier.

All that I really want to say is that it is normal to ask these questions that you are asking, but you have to accept that is was part of your road in life that you have travelled this road and yes, maybe things changed back home, but you need to define your inner soul and the personality who you are.

It is most times difficult to accept change, but we as humans only need a couple of months to adapt again and that new place forms part of your life and when you are old one day and you right the best selling NOVEL of the Nachiketa Das Experiances, people will definately strive for it and try to make it part of their lives.

You are a great guy and do not really worry what was or what will be. Take it step by step again and learned to crawl first before walking and you will find that it is not that freightning.

You will definately enjoy your journey on earth if you accept that destiny has been planned for you.

I miss you brother and wish you all the best in life. Till next time we meet,

Ciao for now.

Nachi said...

ME...awww, thank you so so so much!!

Gordy...bru, it's not like i regret coming to Mauritius. i really am happy to have made that choice when i think of all the friends that i have made on this island plus, i love this place. but then my musings were all about what i might have given up in terms of my career by coming here. but eh, whatever!!

Gordon van den Heever said...

Hey, don't worry bru....

I know what you meant, but you have to believe that you have made the right choice anyway.

And by the way, that comment was made after 3 litres of beer for breakfast this morning, so.....I guess my writing could have gotten a bit confused.

Miss Ya, and my name is NOT Gordy. That is the name of a pig in a movie.

Ciao

Beks said...

Dazed and confused?
Seen it, been there, done that, bought the tee shirt.

No, just kidding...if you'd even consider doing it all over again, it's hardly a loss. Things works themselves out one way or another, and if what you want is purpose then purpose will find you.

Do you know what I mean? I'm not sure I'm expressing myself well.